“PERFECT”: ESPN’s Dramatic Story of How Down Syndrome Daughter Won Her Father’s Heart


“Have an abortion,” Heath White urged his wife.
  The couple already had one beautiful little girl, and they had just learned that their second child would be born with Down Syndrome.

He was, by any measure, a success:  an ace military pilot, a marathon runner, a respected businessman.  Heath feared how having an “imperfect” child, a daughter with Down Syndrome, would reflect on him.  His wife Jennifer, though, was firmly pro-life and refused to abort the child, even though she feared continuing the pregnancy might mean the end of her marriage.

Heath didn’t leave his family, although for months he was emotionally absent.  Then, when little Paisley was several months old, she smiled at her father—and he realized how precious she was, he felt for the first time that this precious life was just like any other child.

The story doesn’t end there.  Heath had learned from his little girl—once unwanted, nearly aborted, now greatly loved—what “perfection” really is, and how beautiful life can be when we welcome each child as a gift from God.

Heath White, his life changed by the gift of this loving child, began to compete in marathons while pushing her stroller.   He became an advocate for Down Syndrome children, educating others about the disease, even having “Down Syndrome” tattooed on his chest so that when people looked at him, they would be reminded of the condition just as they were when they looked at little Paisley.

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The Whites’ story is the subject of an ESPN report on their weekly show “E:60” and the episode was recently posted on YouTube.  “E:60” is an hour-long investigative show which features sports-related stories, frequently highlighting deeply personal, even tragic stories in the lives of competitive athletes.

The segment of “E:60”—which is aptly titled “Perfect”—will make you smile and make you cry.  It runs fourteen minutes, long for a blog link; but I know you’ll be happy you took the time to watch.

You may be interested, too, in this article about our government’s lopsided policies toward the developmentally disabled:  You can’t call them a name, but you can kill them at will.

 

Maslow’s Hierarchy Revisited—Parenthood’s On Top!

Sometimes you just want to roll your eyes and say “Duh!” 

A team of researchers at Arizona State University, led by evolutionary psychologist Douglas Kenrick, has noticed that most people really like being parents.  Despite the challenges of child-rearing, Kenrick reported that the warmth, the love, the creativity, the sense of purpose and belonging—all of these factors and more make parenting the most enjoyable of all activities.

Kenrick’s team reported this breaking news, which is just a ho-hum factoid to loving parents, in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science.  Kenrick and his group proposed a revision to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs which takes into account our deepest biological drives.

In the new Need Hierarchy, Maslow’s fifth-tier need Self-Actualization has been supplanted at the top by a motivation which Maslow hadn’t even mentioned:  Parenting. 

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What Is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs….and Do I Need It?

In my undergraduate days at the Universityof Michigan, the darling of the Psych Department was Abraham Maslow.  A psychologist and motivational researcher, Maslow believed that humans’ most basic needs are inborn; and he developed his acclaimed Hierarchy of Needs in the 1950s to explain how these needs motivate us all.  According to Maslow, our most basic needs for survival (food, water and shelter) must be satisfied before we can turn our attention to higher-level needs such as influence and personal development.  If there is a threat to our lower-level needs (a house fire, for example, or job loss or nationwide famine), we will no longer be concerned about higher-level needs but will instead focus on rebuilding the base of security that we require.

Maslow’s five-tier Needs Hierarchy ranked the categories of needs, bottom to top, as follows:

  •  Biological and Physiological needs – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.
  •  Safety needs – protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.
  •  Belongingness and Love needs – work group, family, affection, relationships, etc.
  •  Esteem needs – self-esteem, achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, managerial responsibility, etc.
  •  Self-Actualization needs – realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

In the 1970s, behavioral scientists slipped in two additional categories after Esteem needs:

  • Cognitive needs (knowledge and meaning), and
  • Aesthetic needs (appreciation and search for beauty, form).

And in the 1990s, scientists took one more step toward a benevolent view of Need Hierarchy by topping Self-Actualization with an even higher need, the need for Transcendence.  Once an individual achieved personal potential (Self-Actualization), scientists claimed, he or she would then seek Transcendence by helping another to achieve Self-Actualization—for example, through volunteer work in a disadvantaged community.

What has emerged now, though—based on research studies conducted in 2010—is a new understanding that devoted parents find the deepest satisfaction in shaping the hearts and souls of the children who have been entrusted to their care. 

While non-parenting adults may expect the rigors of child-rearing to be an impediment to happiness, the opposite is true:  Those who have actually experienced the joy of giving selflessly to a helpless infant achieve a level of wellbeing that is unmatched in human experience.  Those who patiently teach a toddler to tie her shoes, or help a middle schooler to make friends in the classroom, report greater satisfaction than do those whose focus is personal fulfillment through career, marriage or other adult relationship.

Next in the pyramid, according to Kenrick and team, is Mate Retention– a marriage which lasts– and before that comes Mate Attraction (finding that special person).  It would appear that all of our deepest longings derive from the complex biological urge to reproduce.

So the new Hierarchy of Needs, with Parenting at the tippy-top, looks like this:

But you knew that, didn’t you?

Pearl S. Buck and the Importance of a Father’s Love

Happy Birthday, Pearl Buck!

Pearl Sydenstricker Buck was an American writer born of missionary parents. She was born on June 26, 1892, and until 1934 she lived mainly in China, where she was also called by her Chinese name Sai Zhenzhu (written in Chinese: 賽珍珠; pinyin: Sài Zhēnzhū).

Buck was passionate about social issues ranging from women’s rights to adoption, and especially to the plight of babies of Asian women left behind when American soldiers returned to the U.S. following their tour of duty. In 1949 she established Welcome House, Inc.—the first international, interracial adoption agency. In 1964, Buck established the Pearl S. Buck Foundation, created to address the problem of poverty and discrimination faced by children in Asian countries. In 1965, she dedicated the Opportunity Center and Orphanage in South Korea; the center later expanded to the Philippines, Thailand and Vietnam.

She was a writer of fiction, short stories, articles, children’s stories, biographies of her parents, and award-winning novels. Her novel The Good Earth was the best-selling book in America in 1932, and she became the first woman to win a Nobel Prize for literature.

This short story, Christmas Day in the Morning, is an inspiring story about the importance of a father’s love.

Christmas Day in the Morning, by Pearl S. Buck

He woke suddenly and completely. It was four o’clock, the hour at which his father had always called him to get up and help with the milking. Strange how the habits of his youth clung to him still! Fifty years ago, and his father had been dead for thirty years, and yet he waked at four o’clock in the morning. He had trained himself to turn over and go to sleep, but this morning it was Christmas, he did not try to sleep.

Why did he feel so awake tonight? He slipped back in time, as he did so easily nowadays. He was fifteen years old and still on his father’s farm. He loved his father. He had not known it until one day a few days before Christmas, when he had overheard what his father was saying to his mother.

“Mary, I hate to call Rob in the mornings. He’s growing so fast and he needs his sleep. If you could see how he sleeps when I go in to wake him up! I wish I could manage alone.”

“Well, you can’t Adam.” His mother’s voice was brisk, “Besides, he isn’t a child anymore. It’s time he took his turn.”

“Yes,” his father said slowly. “But I sure do hate to wake him.”

When he heard these words, something in him spoke: his father loved him! He had never thought of that before, taking for granted the tie of their blood. Neither his father nor his mother talked about loving their children–they had no time for such things. There was always so much to do on the farm.

Now that he knew his father loved him, there would be no loitering in the mornings and having to be called again. He got up after that, stumbling blindly in his sleep, and pulled on his clothes, his eyes shut, but he got up.

And then on the night before Christmas, that year when he was fifteen, he lay for a few minutes thinking about the next day. They were poor, and most of the excitement was in the turkey they had raised themselves and mince pies his mother made. His sisters sewed presents and his mother and father always bought something he needed, not only a warm jacket, maybe, but something more, such as a book. And he saved and bought them each something, too.

He wished, that Christmas when he was fifteen, he had a better present for his father. As usual he had gone to the ten-cent store and bought a tie. It had seemed nice enough until he lay thinking the night before Christmas. He looked out of his attic window, the stars were bright.

“Dad,” he had once asked when he was a little boy, “What is a stable?”

“It’s just a barn,” his father had replied, “like ours.”

Then Jesus had been born in a barn, and to a barn the shepherds had come…

The thought struck him like a silver dagger. Why should he not give his father a special gift too, out there in the barn? He could get up early, earlier than four o’clock, and he could creep into the barn and get all the milking done. He’d do it alone, milk and clean up, and then when his father went in to start the milking he’d see it all done. And he would know who had done it. He laughed to himself as he gazed at the stars. It was what he would do, and he mustn’t sleep too sound.

He must have waked twenty times, scratching a match each time to look at his old watch-midnight, and half past one, and then two o’clock.

At a quarter to three he got up and put on his clothes. He crept downstairs, careful of the creaky boards, and let himself out. The cows looked at him, sleepy and surprised. It was early for them too.

He had never milked all alone before, but it seemed almost easy. He kept thinking about his father’s surprise. His father would come in and get him, saying that he would get things started while Rob was getting dressed. He’d go to the barn, open the door, and then he’d go get the two big empty milk cans. But they wouldn’t be waiting or empty, they’d be standing in the milk-house, filled.

“What the–,” he could hear his father exclaiming.

He smiled and milked steadily, two strong streams rushing into the pail, frothing and fragrant.

The task went more easily than he had ever known it to go before. Milking for once was not a chore. It was something else, a gift to his father who loved him. He finished, the two milk cans were full, and he covered them and closed the milk-house door carefully, making sure of the latch.

Back in his room he had only a minute to pull off his clothes in the darkness and jump into bed, for he heard his father up. He put the covers over his head to silence his quick breathing. The door opened.

“Rob!” His father called. “We have to get up, son, even if it is Christmas.”

“Aw-right,” he said sleepily.

The door closed and he lay still, laughing to himself. In just a few minutes his father would know. His dancing heart was ready to jump from his body.

The minutes were endless–ten, fifteen, he did not know how many–and he heard his father’s footsteps again. The door opened and he lay still.

“Rob!”

“Yes, Dad–”

His father was laughing, a queer sobbing sort of laugh.

“Thought you’d fool me, did you?” His father was standing by his bed, feeling for him, pulling away the cover.

“It’s for Christmas, Dad!”

He found his father and clutched him in a great hug. He felt his father’s arms go around him. It was dark and they could not see each other’s faces.

“Son, I thank you. Nobody ever did a nicer thing–”

“Oh, Dad, I want you to know–I do want to be good!” The words broke from him of their own will. He did not know what to say. His heart was bursting with love.

He got up and pulled on his clothes again and they went down to the Christmas tree. Oh what a Christmas, and how his heart had nearly burst again with shyness and pride as his father told his mother and made the younger children listen about how he, Rob, had got up all by himself.

“The best Christmas gift I ever had, and I’ll remember it, son every year on Christmas morning, so long as I live.”

They had both remembered it, and now that his father was dead, he remembered it alone: that blessed Christmas dawn when, alone with the cows in the barn, he had made his first gift of true love.

This Christmas he wanted to write a card to his wife and tell her how much he loved her, it had been a long time since he had really told her, although he loved her in a very special way, much more than he ever had when they were young. He had been fortunate that she had loved him. Ah, that was the true joy of life, the ability to love. Love was still alive in him, it still was.

It occurred to him suddenly that it was alive because long ago it had been born in him when he knew his father loved him. That was it: Love alone could awaken love. And he could give the gift again and again. This morning, this blessed Christmas morning, he would give it to his beloved wife. He I could write it down in a letter for her to read and keep forever. He went to his desk and began his love letter to his wife: My dearest love…

Such a happy, happy, Christmas.

Pearl Buck was born 119 years ago today. She died on March 6, 1973, leaving a legacy of humanitarianism and important literary works. Perhaps most importantly, she introduced the American reader to life in China, and exposed the problems of prejudice and discrimination.