Iceland Declares Christianity A Public Health Threat

ice

 

The island country of Iceland has officially declared Christianity a public health threat. The law proclaiming the radical idea was signed recently by *Prime Minister Sigurður Ingi Jóhannsson in the spirit of  “protecting the elderly from scams, our children from nightmares, and the general population from chicanery.”

As strong as the law’s language is, it does not restrict the free exercise of religion by any citizen or visitor.

A coalition of Lutherans, Catholics, and other Christian sects have formed an organization to combat the image that they contribute to the erosion of the citizenry’s psychological well-being.

“Yes, certain rogues have used Christianity to fleece the old and give hellish nightmares to the young,” explained Reverend Andrew Canard. “However, faith requires the acknowledgment of not knowing, and we can all agree simplistic and often contradictory answers found in the Bible are the answers to not knowing.”

The new law urges Icelandic society to, “pick up a book” and to “engage fellow human beings in the spirit of compassion regardless of creed.” It also calls for research to determine the best path to promote Humanist values around the world.

This is NOT a witch hunt

Pro-reason activists hail the recent events as a victory against superstition. Some local Catholics are calling the measure a “witch hunt.”

“A witch hunt is where a mob attacks the weakest members of society and prosecutes them typically via a sham trial. The mob then executes the poor soul. The last time I checked, the Catholic Church were the undisputed champions of the world in such games for centuries,” stated an anonymous citizen.

The American President, Donald J. Trump, is calling the events transpiring in Iceland “dangerous” and wonder if such a brazen act of divine disobedience may mean that the country is not fit to be in NATO.

Democratic politicians are afraid to point out that the predominantly Muslim country of Turkey is, well, a predominantly Muslim country. Democrats are afraid to be branded un-American “egg-heads.”

Icelandic public officials are calling for calm and rational thinking. However, the religious are fighting calm and rational thinking. “That’s what caused the law to get passed in the first place,” stated Reverend Canard.

 

 

* I prefer to create silly names for heads of state, but I love this guy’s name.

** This story is a spoof of the BBC article Utah declares porn a public health hazard.

*** The original piece Iceland Declares Christianity A Public Health Hazard is my most popular article on Laughing in Disbelief. I decided to dust it off for April Fool’s Day 2017.

 

 

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