It’s nearing the end of September and Americans are in their seasonal frenzy over pumpkin spice. Like a phoenix rising out of the pumpkin patch, pumpkin spice seizes the hearts and minds of consumers looking to add something special to their coffee and baked goods. However, not all is well in the land of milk and honey and pumpkin. White supremacists are trying to dominate the distribution and consumption of pumpkin spice. The Twitter hashtag #WhiteGeNocide has adopted pumpkin spice coffee as its official drink.
A quick glance on #WhiteGeNocide reveals a disturbing set of historical inaccuracies, possible inbreeding, and anti-immigrant furor. There is a consensus white people are under attack. Twitter users complain the media hates white babies. Some see Jews trying to convince whites to convert to Judaism in order to obtain protected status. Equal opportunity is another way of saying Death to whites.
Looking deeper into the dark underbelly of #WhiteGeNocide it is obvious there is a wide diversity of caucasian psychosis. Some people love Donald Trump. Others believe he’s just another shill for the Illuminati. Government is seen as the natural enemy for some and others perceive a government dominated by whites can do no wrong.
Recently something magical happened. It’s the type of magic that can only occur on Twitter. Several of the racist Twitterati were arguing about Adolf Hitler’s shoe size when they stumbled on a shared passion for pumpkin spice. Like flames engulfing a cross on a hot Mississippi night, the Pumpkin Spice for Whites Only (PSWO) movement was born.
The stated goals for PSWO is simple, and its message is clear — Non-whites consuming pumpkin spice are engaging in white genocide.
Andrew Canard is president of the PSWO and explained:
If blacks can have the whole month of February to celebrate their people, why can’t we have pumpkin spice? Each day in America our heritage is being adulterated by immigrants and bad hombres. We need to keep our spice pure. Only when that is achieved America will truly be great again.
Starhucks responded to the PSWO with a statement declaring pumpkin spice is for all people regardless of race, religion, or political beliefs. The only exception, however, is for Nazis. Under no circumstances will Nazis be served pumpkin spiced anything.In response, the alt-Right is boycotting Starhucks.
The war for the soul of pumpkin spice rages. The only end in sight is when autumn passes into winter, and pumpkin lattes are a fond memory.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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