Alt-Facts Super PAC Is Born

Loch_Ness_Muppet
Fuzzy photographs and a Super-PAC will dictate public policy regarding lake monsters.

Petersburg, Kentucky Earlier today in the Main Hall of the Creation Museum a new Super-PAC  (political action committee) was born, the American Bi-coastal Strategic Union for Resurrecting Democracy (ABSURD). The Super-PAC is the answer to the many prayers made by those Americans who feel that most people in the early 21st century “just don’t get it.”

Those who signed the legal framework that gave birth to ABSURD seemed to glow with the awesome historical importance of this event. All were ecstatic by having the honor of being in the Main Hall with dinosaur skeletons that were at least 6,000 years old and possibly as ancient as 10,000 years old.

Andrew Canard, CEO of Flat Earth Magazine, stated, “This day the will be remembered as the turning point when we pushed back against the political machinations of the oblate spheroiders.”

The new Super-PAC is expected to pool the resources not only from creationists, flat-earthers, and anti-vaxxers, but will include the pro-lake monster contingent from Lake Champlain, Big Footologists, Ancient Alieners, and Mormons. “Our church says Native Americans are

“Our church says Native Americans are Jews and damn it, we just need to spend more money in Washington to prove it!” stated Isaac Trimble of the Church of Latter Day Saints.

There has been some controversy regarding ABSURD, however. While there are a wide variety of groups and causes the Super-PAC is supporting, there was one group that no one wanted part of, the National Rifle Association (NRA). Reports suggest that the NRA was willing to throw cartloads of money into campaigns that championed lake monsters and renaming native tribes with Jewish deli sandwiches (the Sioux were slated to become The Gefilte Fish Hoagie), but the NRA wanted too much in return.

“They wanted Champy [Lake Champlain’s  monster] to be the poster-monster for mandatory fully automatic weapon school zones.  Champy is a monster, but not a MONSTER,” stated Vermonter Harry Petty.

ABSURD has three main political goals for the upcoming mid-term election. The first is to get rid of all the globes from America’s classrooms and give each student a Frisbee with a world map on it. The second is to make it mandatory to teach the controversy of Jewish Native American Tribes. The third is to outlaw the germ theory of disease and replace it with humorism.

Political wonks expect 30% of registered voters to be 110% behind ABSURD.

 


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Me!!Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

 

 


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