Amazon threw stock markets around the world into a tailspin today because they are buying the massive online retailer, Amazon. The deal is for an undisclosed amount of cash. Observers report Amazon’s trucks are being loaded full of cash so they can be driven in a large circle around Seattle, Washington and then deposited into the coffers at Amazon headquarters.
Insiders warn investors not to count their profits just yet. The deal needs to be approved by the US government. In theory, it could be prevented if the Trump administration doesn’t get paid off adequately.
Amazon made news last year in buying Whole Foods, The Catholic Church, and the human soul of Little Billy McGowan, age 7. Stockholders enjoyed perks from owning the organic food supergiant. Significant investors received all the wheatgrass juice they could stomach. Needless to say, the Catholic Church was happy with being bought out by an institution which doesn’t have a pedophile problem. And Little Billy McGowan’s mom reports her little man without a soul is now a huge fan of Donald Trump and hoping to go into politics someday.
What are Amazon’s plans once they buy Amazon? Is there another acquisition in their future? After all, with the money they have from the fiscally irresponsible Trump Tax cuts they could buy many more companies.
Andrew Canard is CAO (Chief Absurdity Officer) at Amazon and had this to say, ”I can’t get into specifics at this time. I do recommend to be on the lookout in the third quarter. We may be ballsy enough to buyout and take over Amazon!”
*This Poe is dedicated to the very real story Amazon, Berkshire Hathaway And JPMorgan Chase Launch New Health Care Company.
Here’s a taste from it:
“The health care system is complex, and we enter into this challenge open-eyed about the degree of difficulty,” said Jeff Bezos, Amazon founder and CEO. “Hard as it might be, reducing health care’s burden on the economy while improving outcomes for employees and their families would be worth the effort.”
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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