Fairfax, Virginia – There is panic here at NRA headquarters there aren’t going to be as many kids killed by school shooters in America’s future. What seemed unthinkable may just be happening right now —America reaching its limits on murdered school children.
“We may have already ready reached peak student death due to guns,” explained NRA spokesperson Andrew Canard. “If we don’t have scores of children killed every year at the hands of lunatics with firearms, then how does the NRA know it’s doing its job right? We’re in a nightmare scenario.”
The concerns of the NRA stem from President Trump tweeting support for some gun control.
“I will be strongly pushing Comprehensive Background Checks with an emphasis on Mental Health. Raise age to 21 and end sale of Bump Stocks! Congress is in a mood to finally do something on this issue – I hope!” the president tweeted on Thursday morning.
Even though President Trump also thinks arming teachers who are “properly trained” is part of the solution to school shootings like Florida’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas High, the NRA is fearful the days of gaggles of dead kids killed by AR-15s is coming to a close.
School children, on the other hand, see both hope and despair in the current gun control debate. Many students are heralding any movement away from out of control gun culture to be a plus. However, many are skeptical about guns being in the hands of teachers.
Here are some commonly held concerns of students.
- You’re telling my gym teacher Mr. Sizemore is going to be able to have a gun in school? That guy has trouble understanding the infield fly rule.
- I just want a georgraphy textbook that’s up to date and doesn’t teach me French IndoChina is still a thing.
- I can see school bake sales funding assault weapons so teachers can buy AR-15s.
For the time being the NRA is keeping a stiff upper lip in the face of potential disaster. “We’re going to send as many thoughts and prayers to Jesus. Only He help can get us through this crisis,” Mr. Canard stated.
*While President Trump is voicing interest in some gun control as well as some armed teachers, the rest of the story is satire.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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