President Trump Deports Earth Day

 

Washington DC – President Trump signed an executive order earlier today deporting Earth Day to “Whatever sh*thole country it came from.” ICE officers apprehended the holiday at a local Whole Foods hours afterward. Eyewitnesses report the day dedicated to protecting the environment was in the bulk food section picking out organic free-range lentils when apprehended.

Shopper Andrew Canard was picking out laser cut oatmeal at the time and saw the whole thing:

I was with my three kids Apple, Indigo, and Please Beat Me Up, My Parents Were Smoking Strawberry Diesel When They Named Me Huckleberry. Earth Day was talking to me about how the Environmental Protection Agency has been sending him hate mail when ICE agents rushed us. I got thrown into the sustainable gummy bears. They threw Earth Day on the ground and cuffed him. Before you could say “Death of the Republic,” they were all gone.

A lot of conservatives complain about having to explain homosexuality to their kids. That’s nothing in comparison to me trying to explain to my kids fascism is a thing.

Earth Day’s lawyers report they are searching for the whereabouts of Earth Day. ICE is supposed to put the names of undocumented people they apprehend on their website. However, Earth Day is nowhere to be found. “We suspect the Trump administration is categorizing Earth Day as an illegal foreign combatant. For all we know Earth Day could be on their way to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to be imprisoned with supposed Islamic terrorists.”

Many Evangelicals are celebrating President Trump’s bold move. They believe Earth Day is a demon-inspired fake news holiday. Now that Earth Day is out of the country, their religious freedom won’t be infringed upon by environmental awareness.

 


I’m having some fun at Sean Hannity’s expense. I’m putting new comics on Spud Hannity’s Facebook page.

 

 

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