Washington DC- New documents reveal Donald Trump Jr met with the Witch-king of Angmar of Mordor in the summer of 2016. The meeting included discussions on Crooked Hillary, using Dark Magiks to manipulate American opinion, and gifts of prime real estate on the Sea of Núrnen to key members of the Trump campaign.
The meeting occurred at Barad-dûr, the fortress of the Witch-king’s dark master, Sauron. Reports state Donald Trump Jr wanted a direct audience with the Great Eye, but was rebuffed due to Sauron’s fixation regarding ongoing hobbit related issues. The sullen Trump had his spirits raised when the With-king gave him one of the precious Orthanc-stones. The magical device offered the Trump campaign direct access to the Dark Lord with unlimited texting and calling with no roaming fees.
In exchange for the gifts and help on the campaign trail Donald Trump Jr vowed the United States of America would not interfere with the internal affairs of Mordor. The absurd assertion of the Obama administration that orcs have human rights and that the Dark Lord must observe them will be a thing of them past. Donald Trump Jr assured the US military would not come to Gondor’s aid in case of a Mordor-led attack.
Republican lawmakers are saying the revelations are just another case of the fake news swamp trying to derail President Trump’s America First agenda. “Democrat snowflakes have to get over the fact Hillary Clinton lost the election,” Senator Andrew Canard of Mississippi said. “Mordor is a our friend. The Nazgûl put in charge of major American cities will help clean up the mess Democrat mayors made.”
Special prosecutor Robert S. Mueller III is treating the Mordor-Trump news with his trademark stoicism. The special prosecutor is not saying anything at this time. However, sources in Department of Justice are reporting several high level lackeys of Sauron’s will be indicted.
Rudy Giuliani went on FOX News on Sunday and assured Trump’s faithful that Robert Mueller will not indict the President.
In related news, Osgiliath has been taken over by orcs and hill-trolls.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he penned a chapter in Not Seeing God: Atheism in the 21st Century He wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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