Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania – Five years from now 34-year-old Jeb Stuart is plagued by the thought that maybe things are getting a little out of control in Donald Trump’s America. He’s not absolutely sure why he’s having these intrusive thoughts. Was it the Tender Age Shelters? Maybe Trump declaring New England Clam Chowder fake and demanding only Manhattan Chowder served in all restaurants? Could it possibly be the 6 million dead?
Naw. It has to be the chowder, he thinks.
Jeb voted for Trump in 2016 and 2020. He didn’t pay a lot of attention to what was going on in the country due to his consuming passion for playing the latest version of Grand Theft Auto and his job at Chuck E Cheese cleaning up children’s pepperoni laced vomit. He voted for Trump because the man sticks it to the libtards and feminists. And that was good enough for Jeb.
Still, the intrusive thoughts keep pushing into his consciousness at odd points during his day. For some reason he began to question his entire life when those brown skinned kids got pulled out of the ball pit at work by ICE agents. He isn’t one to complain, but the aroma and smoke coming out of the nearby Work Sets You Free Factory is just gross. And in his dark moments Jeb Stuart admits he liked to have a cup of New England Clam Chowder on chilly January nights.
Once President Trump brought in Professor Jordan Peterson into the administration life for Jeb got a lot better. President Trump placed Professor Peterson in charge of the newly formed Department of Incel Affairs. The new set mandatory monogamy laws ensures every incel is entitled to one woman. Once upon a time politicians promised one chicken in every pot and two cars in the driveway. President Trump did better with forcing one woman in every bro’s bedroom.
Jeb Stuart doesn’t know what the future is going to bring. He is looking forward to the upcoming vote to outlaw the Bill of Rights. That should really stick it to the liberals.