Minister Sells Heterosexual Light Bars

Jesus’ light bar won’t let you down in the bedroom!

 

Jackson, Mississippi – Reverend P.G.T. Beauregard of Mustard Seed Baptist Church is selling a line of heterosexual light bars. Typical light bars are portable sources of light designed to illuminate anything from campsites to indoor workspaces. Reverend Beauregard realized Satan can sneak into a man’s life at any time. That’s why he developed Jesus is Lit! Lights.

”One of the teens told me after church he thought Jesus was lit. I had no idea what he was talking about. He then explained the “lit” is a newfangled way of saying nifty,” explained Reverend Beauregard.

The man of God was asleep that very same night when Jesus came to him in a dream. The Messiah informed him Satan loves to tempt men in their sleep with reruns of Will and Grace and the Netflix’s reboot of Gay Eye for the Straight Guy. Reverend Beauregard knew what to do.

“The light of Christ needs to shine ALL the time!” he told his congregation a few Sundays later. And with that fateful statement he started selling Jesus is Lit! Lights.

Even the most Christian wife may complain at first from having 60 LED lights continually blazing in their bedroom. They will soon change their tune. The light can be seen two miles away. Many evangelical couples are proud to show their neighborhood the man of the house is 100% heterosexual.

Some godly wives are beginning to enjoy intercourse with their husbands since that’s the only time the Jesus is Lit! Light is turned off.

One anonymous wife reported, ”At least I can get three minutes of sleep.”


There is a new Facebook group connected with the Laughing in Disbelief Facebook page. It’s called Left of Center.

If you want in, then click that link!

 


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