Washington DC – President Trump’s right arm is hurting. He’s using an old school Ditto E-20 Spirit Duplicator to crank out presidential pardons as fast as possible. With Michael Cohen’s recent plea deal and Paul Manafort’s 8 guilty verdicts, President Trump is going to need as many pardons his right arm can crank out.
Sure, using antiquated technology can be a pain in the butt and the upper appendages. President Trump knows for sure the Ditto E-20 isn’t connected to the Internet and there’s no way the Democrats or Santa Claus can know what he’s up to.
He plans to mail Presidential pardons to every single Republican lawmaker, staff, and GOP pet. Yes, even the hamsters. Who knows what special prosecutor Robert Mueller will do? No crooked Republican Senator, Representative, or kitty is safe.
That’s why he needs to crank. He’ll crank when no one is looking. He’ll crank in between tweeting. He’ll crank out pardons as if his life depended on it. Because his political life does.
White House staffers are becoming suspicious, he knows. They smell the chemicals on him. He’s doubling up on McDonald’s hoping the greasy aromas will cover the odor of printer ink. They can’t be trusted. His staff is nothing but a bunch of disloyal leakers.
He’s going to hand write her pardon. Maybe he’ll break out the colored pens and make a nice rainbow on it. She’ll like that.
President Trump is done for the night. He shuts out the light to the backroom. There are many so many pardons already completed. There are many more to produce.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.