Zion, Indiana – Christians are carrying their crosses and their trash from Chik-fil-A to litter a stretch of Route 24 that runs through their little town. The reason? The local chapter of The Satanic Temple (TST) has adopted the road for Satan. The Devil wants his roadway spick and span clean. “By cleaning the highway we’re supporting our community, the environment, and Satan,” stated chapter head Andrew Canard.
Some Christians aren’t having it.
Local churches mobilized once they found out two signs on Route 24 state The Satanic Temple is keeping things tidy. An interfaith alliance formed — Independent Disciples In Orthodox Traditions (IDIOT). Their goal is to use Jesus’ love to thwart Lucifer and his team of socially aware cleaners. “I always knew environmentalists were agents of Satan,” stated Bill “Big Melon” Menton. “I’m fighting Lucifer’s fire with the trash from my Spicy Chicken Sandwich Meal.”
(Members Of IDIOT reported it’s nice to join forces on a new issue. Repeatedly undermining the reproductive rights of women and persecuting the LGBTQ community just gets boring.)
It’s well known The Satanic Temple uses all sorts of devilish tactics to further its infernal goals. TST isn’t afraid to use the Constitution and correct grammar to serve Lucifer. While IDIOT can’t match them in those arenas, they do have passion. “We have two lookouts stationed on that stretch of road at all times,” stated head IDIOT Mary Elizabeth “Tipper” Spore. “As soon as the Devil finishes picking up the trash, we swoop down and get biblical. When God made the walls of Jericho fall, it made a big mess. We’re going to do that with greasy wrappers and bags.”
The Government’s Response
Town officials are shrugging their collective shoulders at the dysfunctional cycle of cleaning-littering-cleaning-littering. Anonymous sources close to the mayor report he doesn’t want to touch the issue with a ten-foot pole. As soon as the government tells members of IDIOT not to vandalize the road, FOX News and lawyers supporting Christian fascism will descend on Zion like flies on fresh poo.No one knows how or when the issue will be resolved.
*This Poe is inspired by the very real story at The Friendly Atheist — Indiana Residents Are Furious That Satanists Are Picking Up Trash on the Highway .
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.