Creationist To Walk 2 Penguins From Antarctica To The Middle East

Creationist To Walk 2 Penguins From Antarctica To The Middle East September 11, 2018

 

Trinity Church, Antarctica – A prominent researcher of the Great Flood is hoping to walk two Emperor Penguins from Antarctica to Jerusalem, Israel. Professor Jackson Matirko of the Theological Institute of Technology intends to show the world it is possible for a male and female penguin to waddle and swim the 8,275.64 miles. When the trek is successfully over he believes it will be clear proof animals were able to cross massive distances in order to get into Noah’s Ark. “The American intends to do the impossible,” said Russian Colonel Ivan Canard who commands the base where Trinity Church is located. “It makes me think of the Russian saying Nana told me, “Ivan, trust in God, but don’t trust him to pull your testicles out of the permafrost.”

The Great Journey Begins

Starting bright and early Professor Matirko brought the two Emperor Penguins named Adam and Eve out of Trinity Church. Those present were impressed by how well the two birds took to leash training. The Professor showed off a bit for the cameras by showing how well his feathered friends responded to simple voice commands. There was an audible gasp from the small crowd when Adam and Eve responded aggressively when they heard “Richard Dawkins.”

“I thought it wise to train the penguins to attack upon command,” Professor Matirko said. “What better two words to initiate a flightless bird attack than that heathen Richard Dawkins?”

However, it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Protesters carried signs that read Cruelty in every waddle, and Penguins are born atheists! 

Problems

The Great Journey lasted 20 minutes. When the three got to the coast it became painfully obvious Professor Matirko did not plan on how he was going to traverse the ocean. “I was hoping God would just part the waves,” he admitted. “It looks like I’m going to have to get a boat.”

Until this “minor” problem is resolved the Great Journey is being put on hold.

Friends of the two Emperor Penguins admit Adam and Eve are relieved. They have no idea how their human friend could believe in the Great Flood to begin with.

 


Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017  Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

"One thing for sure: the worse things get the more religious society will be."

God Manages The City
"What the fuck! I bet one of the fucking angels went renegade, and reported to ..."

God Manages The City
"God’s doing a heck of a job."

God Manages The City
"Trump: "I'm Not the President of the Globe," Embraces Flat-Earth Conspiracy"

President Trump Orders Bicycle Lanes Demolished

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment