Why Don’t Your Relationships Last?

Many people work hard to be attractive on the outside, but is it possible their relationships don’t last because they’re not attractive on the inside?

I often get emails from people who are frustrated and can’t understand why they haven’t found “the right one” or haven’t been able to maintain a long-term relationship. I know this is very perplexing, especially when you start out with enthusiasm, high hopes, and a lot of work in marketing yourself. My recent book, The Catholic Guide To Dating After Divorce, offers some food for thought to anyone who feels frustrated because they haven’t yet found love, yes, even if you’ve never been married or divorced.

Consider this: You spend a lot of time and money making sure you look good; clothing, hair, sunglasses, nails, makeup, etc. Sometimes it even comes down to the car you drive and the place you live that was chosen specifically to make you look more attractive. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but here is the food for thought:

Are you attractive on the inside?

More than that, do you believe you are worthy of a happy, stable, long-term relationship? It’s amazing how many people doubt their own self-worth and this can definitely contribute to the demise of a relationship.

If you’ve been through a divorce, you may have unknowingly fallen into the trap of believing you are unlovable or unworthy of being in a happy relationship. This is a symptom of the pain and sadness that comes with losing a marriage relationship, with being rejected by the one who was supposed to love you and grow old with you.

This can be quite detrimental and creep into your psyche without you even realizing it. It may even be revealing itself in your conversations with others or reactions to situations and this might be affecting your ability to maintain a long-term relationship. After all, it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves, wouldn’t you agree? Most people want to experience the excitement and romance a love relationship offers and if your self-worth is suffering, your ability to maintain a relationship probably is, too.

Let Your Heart Not Be Judged

Here’s something your head may already know, but your heart still needs to accept:

Your personal value cannot be measured by what other people think of you.

Because God created you, your value as a human being comes from him as well. You are also affirmed by the life you live. If you live a good and moral life, being divorced does not negate that. Going through a divorce does not invalidate the important roles you have as a family member, friend or member of society. It does not diminish all your good qualities nor does it erase all the good things you’ve done.

Despite what’s happened, you still have incredible potential and purpose that no one can take away from you, and certainly that God wants you to capitalize on. Believing this is critical if you hope to have a successful relationship in the future. In fact, no matter what has happened or how bad it got, your divorce is a small part of who you are if you look at the big picture.

Think about people you consider attractive. What they likely share in common is a kind of confidence that comes from this sense of self-worth. They do not define or limit themselves according to the circumstances of their lives. In most cases, their focus is not inward, but outward—interacting with others in ways that are positive and affirming.

If you are unsure of whether or not your level of self-worth is helping or hurting your chances at a long-term relationship, you might consider the following questions:

–  Do I doubt I have good things to offer someone in a new relationship?

–  Do I still replay the negative events of my divorce in my mind?

–  Do I tend to magnify my mistakes and minimize my successes?

–  Do I make decisions primarily based on what would make others happy, instead of what is right for myself?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, that could be an indicator you have some issues to resolve regarding your self-image.

God has given each one of us a purpose that is as unique and unrepeatable as fingerprints. Click To Tweet
The fact is you are not just a number, not just a statistic, but someone with a unique identity and a specific purpose in life.

If you allow this to be your motivation when you start each day, people will find this quality attractive, something that many people, especially those who have lowered their expectations in life because of their divorce, miss out on.

Here is your opportunity to step beyond that mentality and infuse your attractiveness with a sense of purpose. Never doubt that, although you are one among many, God has graced you with gifts, talents and a temperament that are all unique to you.

Nothing about you is by chance or a mistake, it’s all very intentional on God’s part, and He gave you all this because He wants you to put it to good use. If you use these gifts and talents—develop them to their full potential—you will experience life in an incredible way.

This article was originally published at CatholicMatch.Com.