CTNAHM: Silly Women Like Dominant Leaders

By Aletha

Originally posted on Yllom Mormon

Created To Need a Help Meet, pp. 123—125

We are now in the section where Michael offers his points to ponder. This is where he basically sums up the chapter into concise little bites.

Proffered Points to Ponder

* Mr. Command will be very objective and unemotional, and he will not enjoy small talk. His vision is like a man looking from a high mountain: he sees the distant goal. Mr. Command will want to talk about his plans, ideas, and finished projects. A wise man will ask his wife to help him stay balanced by reminding him when he needs to express empathy or listen patiently or sit still and be quiet during a boring meeting.

The thing that stands out to me is how Michael insists that EVERY Command Man is exactly the same. In case you’re curious, not every person who hates small talk sees the distant goal. Maybe they are socially awkward. Maybe they just don’t like particular people. Who knows? Just because somebody identifies as Command doesn’t always mean that they will be self-centered and only want to talk about themselves.

I also am confused as to how the wife, who has been taught that to question their man is nothing short of rebellion against God, would feel safe enough to “remind” her Mr. C that he needs to express empathy. Once again, Michael seems to be saying that emotional regulation of the man is left up to the wife. I don’t see how one can claim to be a leader of men, yet not be able to “lead” himself.

* Most Command Men do not get close to many people—maybe none at all. They are uncomfortable when other men try to get inside their space. They don’t like to be touched by another man. A salesman who touches a Command Man will lose his sale. I don’t even like a  man to sit next to me when I eat. If you are close enough to touch me, you are too close. I have backed all over a room trying to stay four feet away from some man trying to talk to me. For clarification: I do enjoy ladies sitting next to me when I eat.

Michael isn’t gay! In fact, he doesn’t even like to be close to other guys! 4 feet, gentlemen! Give this heterosexual man his 4 feet! One amusing thing I noticed in this part is how Michael doesn’t even pretend to make a broad point. It’s about Michael-all the way. In fact, I didn’t even notice the part about touching in this entire chapter. Does anybody else get a creepy feeling when Michael says he enjoys ladies sitting next to him? Because he doesn’t say he likes his wife. In fact, I get the feeling that he prefers anyone but his wife.

* Mr. Command Man will be most uncomfortable and at a loss when dealing with the sick, helpless, and dying. Where there is no hope, there will be no need for a Command Man. A wise man will share those feelings with his wife and ask her to be his stand-in. As a leader of men, it is important to have good friends who can step in and take control when you are inadequate in dealing with emotional issues.

In previous sections, Michael told Visionaries and Steadies what they needed to change. He basically told them to be more Commanding. But apparently, Mr. Command is good enough. Because Michael just lays out “This is how Command Men are—deal!” I guess his bias for Commands is pretty clear. I also don’t see Mr.C being alright with handing over the reins.

* A born leader is a man who can, when necessary, adapt principles or rules to circumstances for the greater good of the greatest number of people.

Born leaders are only men. Ladies, if you think you’re a leader, get over yourself. And I got the feeling that Michael feels that rules don’t apply to him. Which is interesting. Because this demographic is very “I will read the Bible so literally that my culture is 20 years behind the times”, but principles and rules can be “adapted” for the greater good. But who defines the greater good? Who gets to say what rules can be changed? Who decides when it’s OK to break a rule and when it’s not? Well, I guess Michael-that’s who.

* A wise man doesn’t use the strength of his personality or his gifts to control others for his own selfish desires.

What about unwise men? What about men who think they’re wise, and so allow themselves an “exception” or two to adapt the rules for a vague greater good? What I’m trying to say is with these guidelines for Command Men, there is a lot of gray area for abuses to happen.

* A wise man knows that silly women like dominant leaders. He will know that sharing glances with an admiring, foolish woman always brings death to things eternal. A wise man fears God,  disease, loss of virtue, shame, and tarnishing his good name. He keeps in mind that cute as she may be, but those who follow her go down to hell.

Those silly women, turning men away from God! How dare they! I think it’s interesting that it’s OK for Michael to sit next to women during meals, but can’t “share glances” with them. I guess Michael just wants women for arm candy?

Remember the parable of the poor daughter who had one chance at marriage, and her dominant mother ruined it? Well, in that story, the daughter had no say about her marriage, her mom’s attitude, or her fiance finding another fish in the pond. But suddenly these women who have no say in their lives are fully capable of seducing grown, married men. And sometimes it happens-I’m not overlooking that. But it’s hard for me to imagine a woman who grew up in the culture that requires modesty to “help their brothers in Christ” not stray, a culture that blames women for pretty much every sin a man does, willfully seduces a married man.

I grew up Mormon-another very conservative culture. I was scared of the idea of sex because it was preached from the pulpit that sex before marriage was evil, wrong, and damning. You know what idea didn’t scare me? Being thought of as beautiful. There was a time when I was doing some things that I shouldn’t with a married college professor. Why? Was it because I wanted to make a mockery of marriage? Was it because I was attracted to powerful men? No. It was because he treated me like I was pretty and special.

Women in PearlWorld aren’t given many choices. They have very few places to assert their opinion-indeed, they are TOLD what they should do, think, and be-nearly from infancy. Michael himself says women shouldn’t be trusted because of their lady hormones. And yet, in sexual areas, it is totally the woman’s fault. That idea is just weird. Women aren’t capable of making decisions, except when it’s something wrong, then it’s their fault.

* A Command Man can presume too much in conservation and in social settings. To say it another way, he can think of himself of more highly than he ought.

Let’s think back for a minute. Think of all the places where Michael assumes he knows what everyone thinks. Remember all the times where Michael has presumed he knows the character of Every. Single. Man on the planet. Heck, read his blog posts on his website and tell me this man doesn’t think more of himself than he ought. Michael, if the shoe fits…

* A Command Man can think his viewpoint is worth more than others’.

Says the man that writes an entire book about what men need and how to “fix” one’s wife.

* He has an impulse to take charge even in areas where he has no skill.

I’ve known people that try to be the boss everywhere. They are the people who have no clue what they are doing trying to boss everyone around. Have you been in this situation? I’m assuming Michael has, too. Why doesn’t he tell people not to do this? Why does he just leave it out there like it’s a fact of life? It’s not! I consider myself a Command type, and I do well with being a leader. But in areas where I have no clue, I shut my mouth. First, so I can learn. Second, because I know my limitations. Third, because I don’t want to turn into that person that everyone hates.

* A Command Man tries to learn as much as he can about everything so that he is never caught at a disadvantage.

Everything Michael has told us about the Command Man makes it seem like image is everything. He has to have the perfect wife, perfect job, be perfectly in control of everything. If Michael truly believes in these stereotypes, then he would put more energy into helping men learn humility. Instead, he just keeps saying “This is a Command Man. Isn’t he awesome?”

* A Command Man is more likely to carry through a rebellion started by a Visionary.

This is the first I’ve heard of this. I really have no clue where this is coming from. I really don’t know what to think about this one.

The Visionary may explode into violence, but the Command Man is more likely to mete out controlled and thoughtful force to counter resistance. In other words, the Visionary will scream at you on the court steps but the Command Man will quietly sue the pants off of you.

My first thought was sociopath. Instead of talking about feelings, or even lashing out in anger, the Command Man will quietly plot revenge-even if it takes years. That’s just scary, honestly. What truly frightened me, though, was when Michael says “resistance”, I think of wives. Wives resisting their Command Man, and the need Mr.C’s have to punish anyone that goes against them. Scary, scary, scary.

* The Command Man is absolutely essential to all corporate endeavors. If it requires organization, division of duty, and delegation of authority, he is the man of the hour.

Aaaand here is the point of this whole chapter. Command Men may be uncompromising, cold, logical, bossy, tyrannical, and rude—but he’s necessary! Just look at all the places he’s needed! Nevermind a manager might be better if he would listen and adapt his plans. Nope. If something needs a boss, the ONLY man for the job is someone who doesn’t think he has no equal.

Ugh. The more I read about the Command Man, the more I’m grateful there aren’t very many of them in my life. It’s sad how Michael seems to think that tyrannical dictators are not only fine, but every other type of man should aspire to be them. But really, this chapter reads like justification for Michael to do whatever he wants.

About Libby Anne

Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the "purity culture," the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.


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