Created To Need A Help Meet, p. 125
Today we finish up the chapter on Command Men. Like the previous 2 chapters, Michael ends this chapter with a wish list from the wives of Mr. C’s. It’s a short little section,
Ladies’ Wish List
Julie writes: “You ask for a wish list. Here’s mine:
- I wish my husband would be more patient, less irritable, and more gentle with me and the children.
- I really wish he would not speak to me in a tone that makes me feel like I’m an idiot.
- I wish he would give me as many compliments as he does criticisms, or thank me for what I have done instead of telling me what I should be doing.
- I wish he would not treat me like I am on the same level as the children.
- I wish he would not fuss at me in front of the children, and that he would treat me with respect.
- I wish I could hold my head up and tell him I am finished with his mistreatment. Maybe someday I will be, but most likely I will sneak out while he is at work and just be gone. I often think about it.
I feel kind of bad, because I’m gulity of many of these towards my husband. I really need to change a lot of how I deal with him.
My heart is breaking. Because all it sounds like Julie wants is to be treated like an equal. Seriously. It sounds like Mr. Julie is condescending, insulting, belittling, and disrespectful. He treats Julie like a child, and disrespects her in front of their children. What is horribly sad, is that Julie can’t tell her husband how she feels. I mean, this is an adult woman who is being horribly mistreated by her husband, and can tell literally no one about her pain except for a letter to the Michael Pearl.
Although I am glad to see that Julie knows what she wants. I’m glad Julie is honest with herself to be able to say “This is what I wish were different.” It would be really disturbing if Mr. Julie treated his wife in the aforementioned way, and she felt like she deserved that treatment. So I have to say, I’m glad that Michael allows women to have opinions-it’s more than Debi ever does.
As I’ve been saying every time this section comes around, I’m annoyed by the way Michael handles women’s requests. He just types ’em up and washes his hands of the situation. Instead of explaining what mistreating a wife looks like, he just leaves it up to the man’s discretion. The awful part is that a man who treats his wife like a child isn’t really the type of man to say “Oh…This is me. I need to change something.” Michael has spent the last 30 pages telling us that Command Men don’t like criticism, doesn’t listen to other opinions, and can arrogantly rely on only his judgment. And yet Michael doesn’t fell the need to caution Command men again to be humble.
Plus, how many men will read this list and think “Well, my wife doesn’t feel that way. I’d know!”, not knowing Debi’s book teaches 100% submission all of the time or blasphemy against God. For some people, self-regulation or being self-aware is difficult, if not impossible. Breaking habits is tricky, too. These are all reasons why just throwing out “Your wife probably wants this!” is a horrid tactic to attempt to change a man’s behaviour.
So, the chapter on Command Men is over. What have we learned? That Mr. C is a selfish, tyrannical jerk that expects his wife to always be on call. According to Michael, those qualities are A-Okay as long as the man isn’t abusing his wife. And by abusing, he means physically hitting. Not, like, you know, treating one’s wife like a non-human.
Please excuse me. I feel icky now and want a shower.