How I Stopped Hating Technology and Learned to Love Gaming with My Children

How I Stopped Hating Technology and Learned to Love Gaming with My Children February 10, 2016

When I was a little girl, we used to play games on our family computer. My grandfather worked with computers, and he always gave us his old computer when he got an upgrade. Back then, they ran DOS. We played Onesimus, and Ancient Land of Ys, and Lemmings, and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. We were allowed a specific amount of computer time each day, and my siblings and I had to take turns. Mom would set the timer, and the rest of us would crowd around and watch as we each played in turn. I have many pleasant memories from those years.

When I was a teenager, I was drawn into a world where the old fashioned was elevated and the new was demonized. I was homeschooled in a culture where sitting around the fireplace knitting while listening to books being read aloud was held up as “wholesome” while playing video games was relegated to a time waste and brain rot. My younger brothers built computers out of pieces they scrounged up from various locations and proceeded to hold LAN parties, and I looked down on them for it. I would never let my kids play computer games, I declared self-righteously. Instead, we would have good, wholesome, old fashioned family time.

As a young adult, I married Sean, a young man who enjoyed computer gaming. At first I saw it as a flaw, something I was willing to overlook in favor of all of his positive characteristics. I sometimes resented him for “wasting time,” and I worried that it might be a sign of escapism and immaturity, but on the whole I let it be. Then, as time passed, I began to realize that gaming helped Sean relax. His gaming habit didn’t get in the way of his ability to carry out his responsibilities, and it allowed him to blow off steam and de-stress. And so I made peace with it.

When I had children, I realized that my anti-technology policy didn’t reflect the demands of our modern world. My children would need to grow up not only familiar with technology but also able to understand technology. My children needed to learn how computers work and how to program. I gave up on looking backwards and putting the past on a pedestal and turned my face fully forward, and forward meant embracing technology. Some of my expectations would have to change.

When we got our first iPad, I loaded it with learning games and technology. As I watched my children play Bugs and Numbers and Endless Alphabet, I promised myself to keep them focused on educational games. Still, when the children discovered the app store and asked for additional games, I downloaded some, figuring I could always delete them later if need be. Instead, I watched in fascination as my children developed strategy and practiced their critical thinking skills. I realized, as I watched them, that a game didn’t have to involve the alphabet or math games to be educational, and that there’s more to learning that numbers and letters.

When Sean got a new computer, he put his old computer in the living room to replace our aging DVD player, but the children had other plans for it, and what was meant for playing DVDs became the children’s gateway into computer gaming. Sally had just turned five when Sean introduced her to Portal. At first she demurred, put off by the difficulty of mastering the keyboard, but her hesitation didn’t last long. Then came Minecraft. Bobby was playing both before he turned three, his small body crouched in front of the computer, his hand on the house and his gaze intent. He was determined.

So far I had watched all of this from the outside. I came to understand Sean’s interest in gaming, but I never shared it myself. I supported my children’s interest in turn, but I still didn’t game. But, over time, that changed. I began playing Minecraft, but while I enjoyed building castles and exploring the nether—especially collaboratively, with the children—I didn’t have any intention of entering further into the world of gaming. At some point, though, I got tired of answering Bobby’s request that I game with him with “I’m sorry Bobby, but mommy doesn’t know how to play Portal 2.” I got tired of being outside of the world inhabited by my husband and, increasingly, my children. And so I took the leap.

What I’ve found has surprised me. I had thought gaming de facto detracted from family time, but I was wrong. Our time spent gaming together is some of the best family time we have. I never thought I’d say this, but it’s better than board games—and I say that as someone who loves board games! When we game together no one gets bored waiting for someone else’s turn, and we’re able to come together to cooperatively solve problems and help each other complete challenges rather than trying to beat each other to win the game. In other words, gaming helps us learn to work together rather than forcing us to compete against each other.

Ten-year-old Libby Anne would be happy to know where I am today. Sixteen-year-old Libby Anne would be horrified. Twenty-something Libby Anne is content. I have left my fear and self-righteousness behind and have learned something new. And right now, I’m already looking forward to this evening when the kids are home from school so we can pick up where we left off on our latest game.

I rarely enjoy playing with my children as much as I do when I game with them, and I have never been so glad to admit I was wrong.


Stay in touch! Like Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook:


Browse Our Archives