You Are Not Entitled to My Life

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Ever since reading her post about parents being "involved" in their adult children's romantic relationships, I've been bothered by a comment blogger That Mom left in her own comment section. In that comment, she condemned the "hands off" approach as unhealthy. Note that she's not talking about young children. She's talking about young adults. She argues that parents should be involved in every area of their young adult children's lives from careers to marriages.The thing is, I remember what … [Read more...]

Should Parents Be “Involved” in Their Children’s Love Lives?

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Blogger That Mom recently began a series on courtship. I don't know where she will take the subject as she goes on through the series, but I did want to touch on the premise she begins with---that parents need to be involved. The Necessary ParentWhen we attended Bill Gothard’s IBLP Basic Seminar back in the mid-80s, one of the topics he covered was dating. This was before he had moved into his courtship teachings and even before anyone we knew of had started discussing things like courtship … [Read more...]

Patriarchy in Name Only?

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Evangelical Christians who believe in male headship and female submission but do not like the word "patriarchy" tend to use the term "complementarianism" instead. They speak of men naturally being better at some things (protecting, providing) and women naturally being better at other things (nurturing, caregiving), and speak of the two as "complements" of each other. While softer and gentler as eschewing the term, complementarianism, too, is patriarchy.But there's something very interesting … [Read more...]

Someone’s Got to Be Responsible for Her!

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You all know I had a bit of a rocky time with my parents upon reaching adulthood. Well, I recently learned something I had not known that occurred during that period, and it surprised even me. I think I need to give a little backstory to make what I'm about to say make sense. I've told this in pieces, so let me sum it up.Upon completion of homeschool high school, I went away to college. I chose a secular college, with my parents' approval, because I wanted to finally win converts for Christ … [Read more...]

Why Christian Homeschooling Culture Is Not a Safe Space

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Some months ago I stated in a blog post that I was becoming increasingly convinced that Christian homeschooling culture is not a safe space for young women and girls. A reader objected in the comments section, misunderstanding I think both what I meant by "Christian homeschooling culture" and "safe space."  Regardless, reading various figures' responses to the Doug Phillips scandal, and how they discuss Lourdes Torres, Phillips' victim, has made my assessment only more firm.There's this from … [Read more...]

Crosspost: A Letter to Our Parents

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By DarcyOriginally posted on Darcy's Heart StirringsDear Parents,I'm in several online groups consisting of thousands of the homeschool alumni of my generation, the "Joshua Generation", the products of the Christian homeschooling pioneers. And one major theme going on in our conversations right now is an overwhelming frustration that we cannot talk to our parents. We cannot be real with you. We want a relationship but don't know how to get past the mental and emotional walls you have … [Read more...]

Gothard’s Sex Rules: Marital Consent? What’s That?

Young woman is in the fair about her future

My family never attended one of Bill Gothard's seminars, and we didn't use Gothard's curriculum. We children were, instead, raised on the outskirts of Gothardism. We knew people who were followers of Bill Gothard, and we imbibed a few of his teachings (umbrella of authority, anyone?), but that was the extent of it. As things began to snowball over the past months and Gothard was exposed as a sexual predator and ultimately relieved of his leadership position, I wanted to learn more about what … [Read more...]


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