Punishment Has No Place in Marriage*

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I grew up in an evangelical family, raised by parents who believed that husbands are to lead and wives are to submit. But I don't recall hearing anything about husbands punishing their wives for lack of obedience. When disobedient wives came up, husbands were generally advised to simply love and pray for them. So I have to admit to being rather horrified by some blog posts I came upon this week.First I read a blog post by blogger Sunshine Mary, in which she wrote that her husband refused to r … [Read more...]

The Courtship Mask

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I recently posted excerpts from an article written by Shoshanna Pearl, which began like this: When I got married, I expected my husband to be that alpha male that my dad was; but he was not. We would be driving down the road and he would say, “Where do you want to eat?” I would smile and say, “Wherever you want to eat,” expecting him to quickly turn in to this or that place without hesitation. Instead, he would smile and say, “I don’t care. I want to take you where you want to go. Where would yo … [Read more...]

But What If Your Husband Tells You Not to Submit?

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When I write about submission, especially in the context of Debi Pearl's book, Created To Be His Help Meet, commenters frequently ask what Debi would say to a woman whose husband told her not to submit. I think we have our answer, or at least as close as we're going to get to an answer. It's an article by Debi's daughter Shoshanna Easling. My Dad was not the type of guy to check with you before he made a decision. We would be driving down the road when all of a sudden he would pull in to a … [Read more...]

Closing the Fire Escape

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A few weeks ago, I discussed a chapter from one of Gothard's IBLP seminar textbooks titled "How To Build the Spirit of a Marriage." Today I want to come back to that chapter to discuss something often called "closing the fire escape." Here Gothard is discussing things a wife can do that damage a marriage. When she lacks a grateful spiritAn ungrateful wife is a public rebuke to her husband. By her spirit she communicates the message, "My husband does not know how to make me happy." U … [Read more...]

Counseling in the Hands of Emotionally Abusive Parents

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One summer home from college, my parents insisted that I meet with our pastor. I was questioning evangelicalism and exploring other Christian faith traditions, and my parents were very concerned about me. So they set up a meeting and sent me off. I could have refused, I suppose, but I was living with them and dependent on them for transportation, so I really wan't in a place to put up too much of a fuss. The meeting could have been a whole lot worse, and besides, it was just the one meeting. Mo … [Read more...]

When Up Is Down and Down Is Up, Submission Edition

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I recently came upon an old article explaining the concept of wifely submission. While I'm unsure who wrote it, and it appears to be from the 1990s, it's similar enough to the ideas taught by many evangelicals and fundamentalists that it bears addressing.There are a lot of misconceptions about submission and submissive people.  Before we can intelligently consider what the Bible has to say on the subject of submissive wives we need to clear these misconceptions out of our way.  Let me begin w … [Read more...]

World Magazine’s Hypocrisy on Patriarchy and Child Abuse

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Growing up in an evangelical home, I read World Magazine regularly. Today, I'm honestly not sure World knows what direction it is headed. Over the past year or so, the publication has been simultaneously distancing itself from the patriarchy movement within Christian homeschooling and promoting that same movement, and simultaneously calling for the self-policing of child abuse in Christian communities and allying itself with organizations actively involved in child abuse coverups.This past Ap … [Read more...]


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