Creating Spaces for Collective Mourning

funeral

Last week Dan Fincke introduced this prompt for Forward Thinking: If it were up to you to design one or more basic models for messaging and for ritual through which people were to regularly mark deaths together, what would such ceremonies be like?  This isn't a topic I've thought very much about, or had much experience with, but I'll try to pull together a few tentative thoughts nonetheless. Funerals, even more than weddings, can be complicated when there are people of a variety of religious be … [Read more...]

“Actually Sally, their family has two mommies”

two mommies

I was recently looking through my facebook feed when I came upon a picture of Haley, whose wife Melissa writes at Permission to Live."Ooo, she's pretty!" said Sally.I smiled. Haley is a transgender woman, and I was pleased that Sally immediately identified her as female. I started flipping through Haley's pictures, and Sally admired them and was excited to note whenever Haley's children appeared in the pictures with her. And then, finally, I came to a picture of Haley with Melissa, smiling … [Read more...]

Married, with Friends

hedges

I recently came upon a book called Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It, by Christian author Jerry B. Jenkins. With the divorce rate steadily climbing and infidelity creeping into even the happiest marriages, in a society that trivializes adultery and its devastating effects, with temptation and opportunity coming at you from all directions - how can you keep your marriage from becoming a statistic?The advice from best-selling author Jerry B. Jenkins is this: plant preventative … [Read more...]

When Bobby Wants His Daddy

man and baby

Last night Sean held Bobby while I finished unloading the dishwasher with Sally. Sean then asked if I would hold Bobby so that he could put butter on some bread. I went to take Bobby, but Bobby instead threw his arms around Sean's neck and moved away from me. Sean smiled and held Bobby closer as I offered to butter the bread.When Sally was born, Sean wasn't sure what exactly to do with her. My schedule was more flexible, so I ended up caring for Sally the vast majority of the time. It wasn't … [Read more...]

Some Thoughts on Child Custody

father children

Blogger Sheldon recently responded to my post on why my son Bobby needs feminism too, and while he praised the basic core of my post, he added this concern: She talks about patriarchy being causing problems for men, but I notice this problem has been overlooked (whether intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know).The divorce/family court system in the US very rarely gives full custody to men, or at the very least a decent shared custody agreement, very likely because of th … [Read more...]

“I Make More Money Than He Does”

money 2

Over the holidays, I made the mistake of bringing up laundry at the dinner table at Sean's parents' house. Sean may not have grown up in the evangelical homeschool world of Christian Patriarchy that I did, but his mother doesn't work outside of the home and his parents have always embraced fairly traditional gender roles, so I really should have known better. Anyway, I simply wanted to know if Sean had started the load of laundry he had said he would, and to let him know that he would have to … [Read more...]

On Shoveling Snow and How Patriarchy Hurts Men Too

shoveling snow

Today I did something I've never done before. I shoveled snow. No, I didn't grow up in the south. I grew up with snow. I just never shoveled it. My brothers did. Yes, I've been grown and gone and married for years now, but my husband and I live in an apartment where the handy men shovel the walks. And so, somehow, I've made it to my mid-twenties without shoveling snow.It is often said that patriarchy hurts men too, but I don't think this is emphasized nearly enough. My brothers were expected … [Read more...]


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