Raised Quiverfull: Relationships with Siblings

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Have any of your siblings (or perhaps even parents) left Quiverfull/Christian Patriarchy ideology? How do you approach the relationships with siblings who have not? Joe: I would say half of my siblings have left and the other half still hang on to a little bit of the ideology or envelope themselves in it.  All I can do is communicate factual and logical information to them.  Recently, my brother left a Gothard law college because of facts I led him to and others have begun to vaccinate their c … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: Coming “Out”

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For those who are no longer Christian, are you “out” to your parents or siblings? If so, how did you do it and how did they respond? Joe: I am out to everyone and their grandma.  Most of them roll their eyes.  Others have followed in my footsteps.  Some mock me behind the scenes.  Some even confront me with an audience.  Regardless, I still love them all. Latebloomer: I still consider myself a Christian, although I’m so liberal in my opinions that many Christians would not want to share the l … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: Relationship with Family Today

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What is your relationship with your parents and siblings like today? What is your relationship with those you grew up with who remained in the movement like? Joe: I have completely closed the door on all communication with my mother.  No calls, no emails, no letters, no visits, nothing.  The mind games she played became too much for my children and, most of all, my wife, that we mutually decided to close the door on that area of our life. My siblings and I were very close growing up.  We st … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: The Family Responds to Questioning

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How did your parents and siblings respond to you questioning/rejecting their beliefs? How did those you grew up with respond? Joe: When I met, Kristine, the woman I have been married to for almost 11 years, I had already left my singly mother who very sincerely and deeply followed Bill Gothard.  Regardless of her lifestyle. I still felt that I needed to be completely open with her about everything in my life.  Knowing she would be hateful toward Kristine, I told her anyway - and she was h … [Read more...]

Dreams of Miscarriage

A little while ago, when I was about seven months pregnant, I had a dream that I miscarried (just so there's no confusion, it was a DREAM! Not real!). In my dream I looked at the little dead body, so close to being fully formed, and mourned. Not for the loss of a child but for the loss of an idea.I mourned for the loss of the potential second child I had so hoped to have, not for the loss of a particular beloved individual child. I mourned the fact that I would have to start pregnancy over … [Read more...]

On Titles and Respect

Sierra's recent post, "Oh, 'Brother,'" made me think about just what I was taught to call adults growing up. Sierra writes that in her church she was encouraged to call other church members "Brother This" or "Sister That." We, in contrast, did not do that. I don't think my parents would have seen that as respectful, actually.My parents required us to always address adults with the titles "Mr." or Mrs." followed by a last name. If it was a fairly young adult, we might be allowed to use the … [Read more...]

Marital Blind Spots: Miming Our Parents’ Mistakes

I recently read a guest post called "But He Never Hit Her." Every once in a while I run across a post that really makes me think and evaluate my own actions, and this was one of them. The author starts by talking about her parents' abusive relationship and then goes on to talk about how growing up with this view of marriage as normal affected her own marriage. After quoting from the article, I'll provide some of my own thoughts and experiences with this. So many people think that abuse is … [Read more...]


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