Parenthood, Selfishness, and Toxic Ideas

self-hug-love

I recently overheard some relatives of my husband say that not having children was a selfish choice, and that it was the choice to bear and raise children that was truly selfless. I cringed, but I was not involved in the conversation, so I didn't say anything. It did make me think, though, and I was reminded of a blog post I had come upon several days before with a very different message. It was titled "To the Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids."   To the women who choose not to have kids, I hav … [Read more...]

Sally and Me

mother daughter

As I watched Sally at her preschool's winter program recently, something struck me in the gut, hard. Sally's upbringing will be so different from mine that it will in some ways be like we are from different cultures. I have talked before about growing up in the Christian homeschooling subculture being like being raised as a "third culture kid." I've talked about how our parents, raised in normal mainstream homes, could not understand the experience of growing up like we did, out of sync and in a … [Read more...]

“I Just Don’t Ask Them for Anything, Ever”

Girl

I was watching the movie Tangled with my family when we came to the scene where Repunzel is nervously trying to get up the courage to ask her mother (who is actually her abductor, though she does not know that) if she can go and see the lights on her birthday. I turned to my teenage sister Hope and whispered to her."Do you ever feel like that when you want to ask mom and dad something?""Yeah, so I just don't ask them for anything, ever," she whispered back.In many ways, my parents … [Read more...]

Sally, Sean’s Wallet, and Moral Ethics

wallet

When we go grocery shopping, I generally let Sally choose something small for herself. On a recent trip, Sally made a choice that was more expensive than the price range I generally ask her to stick to. I could have had her put it back, but I could see she was entranced, so instead I put back the little marshmallows for hot chocolate and a few other things."Sally, since you wanted that little doll, I had to put some things back," I told her in the car. "So we didn't get the little … [Read more...]

Modern Girlhood and Candy Land’s Sweet Poison

comparison

Raising a daughter in today's world is hard. We like to think of ourselves as light years ahead of the 1950s in terms of gender equality, but sometimes I don't see it. And, lately, Candy Land has been one of those places. I am so incredibly thankful that my husband's grandparents gifted us their old Candy Land board, because otherwise I would be scouring ebay for one. When I played Candy Land growing up, we had the 1984 version.Then, in 2004, the game was updated.With this … [Read more...]

In Which Sally Talks to Adults

playing

We'd only been at the get-together five minutes when I realized that my daughter Sally was engaged in a romping game of tag with a twenty-something family friend of my in-laws. At Sally's instigation, the game soon turned to hide and seek, and Sally was giggling under a table while her new friend was walking around the table pretending to not be able to find her.This is not the first time this has happened. When Sean had some of his friends over for a cookout last summer, Sally was quickly … [Read more...]

And Bobby Wore Heels

dress shoes

I was getting ready to check out at the second-hand children's clothing shop when I realized I had a problem. When we had first arrived at the store Bobby had brought me a pair of white heeled girls' dress shoes just his size and had asked me to put them on him (he doesn't really have words yet, but that doesn't mean he can't communicate!). So I had, and he'd been running around in them with smiling from ear to ear ever since. And now that it was time to go, well, now he wouldn't let me take … [Read more...]


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