Crosspost: When Speaking to Men about False Accusations

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By Samantha FieldOriginally posted on Defeating the Dragons [content note: sexual violence] I want to preface today’s post with a few things: first, I’m going to be talking about my own personal experiences online and off, and I’m not going to be arguing about absolutes, or saying that what I’ve observed is the way it always is with no exceptions. However, I’ve noticed a pattern, and I think it’s happened often enough that it warrants a post. Also, I have been the victim of a false accusat … [Read more...]

Male Sexual Entitlement, Again

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While googling something else, I recently came upon a rather horrifying article titled The Secret to Keeping Him Committed, from a Guy's Point of View on Simon & Schuster's Tips on Life and Love. This isn't a religious website, but it echoes many of the ideas I heard growing up in a conservative evangelical church and community.On a larger scale, the thing that most faithful men complain about is that they can’t get sex when they want it in a committed relationship. When a man is single o … [Read more...]

“He’ll never by the cow when he can get the milk for free”

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I recently noted this comment between readers on one of my blog posts. trinity91Oh god, did your mom use the old "He'll never buy the cow when he can get the milk for free" idiom on you too? So, let's talk about this, because I did grow up hearing this idiom. When I was a teen, my parents told me that if I were to have sex with a man, he would have no reason to marry me, because he would have already gotten what he wanted. I was also told that once a man had gotten what he wanted---i.e. … [Read more...]

“The reason was ‘sex might happen’”

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I appreciated this recent comment by reader smrynda:I got a real world look at something like purity culture when a friend of mine decided to try to meet guys online. She went on a date with a self-professed evangelical Christian and then afterwards, he made a big point that he would not go into her residence. The reason was 'sex might happen.' She said she was totally not having sex with him, but his reason was 'I trust you but not met.' So my friend asked him, 'are you admitting you are … [Read more...]

Sex and Respect

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A recent post got me thinking about what led me to give up the idea that a man choosing to wait until marriage to have sex with his significant other was a sign of respect for her. There was a time, of course, when I held this view very strongly. I had been raised to view that any young man who would even consider having sex with a young woman before marriage did not respect her, and that any relationship built on that foundation would be troubled.While in college I met a young man---Sean. I … [Read more...]

Sexual Repression, the Duggar Parents, and Mine

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When people on the outside think about fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals and others who teach that sex before marriage is sin, they often seem to have this picture of people who are completely sexually repressed, who feel shame about having sex and can't bring themselves to say the word "sex." Now I'm not denying that such people exist---they certainly do. What I want to point out is simply that this does not describe all fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals who teach that … [Read more...]

What Kirk Cameron Doesn’t Know about Jessa Duggar and Ben Seewald

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I really can't let this go by without commenting on it. It seems Kirk Cameron took his daughters to Jessa Duggar's wedding because he wanted them to see the wedding of a couple that chose not to kiss until marriage---to serve as an example, of course. As a read through a news article that quoted Kirk Cameron explaining this, I found myself becoming both angry and frustrated. I don't understand how people so much older than I can be so clueless about relationships. It boggles the … [Read more...]


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