Authoritarian Parenting and Adult Children

This is part of a series in which I am re-posting a number of posts I've written in the past on issues involving parenting and Michael and Debi Pearl. I think these posts may be of interest to new readers, and if you're a reader who has been around with me since the beginning, they may be worth a re-read. This post was originally published here.   I have long wondered why my transition to adulthood has been so difficult. I want to be able to stand by my parents adult to adult, equal to equal … [Read more...]

“A Religious, Authoritarian Culture”

I just came upon an article called "Are you raising your children in a religious, authoritarian culture?" and I thought you all might find it interesting. The author, Janet Heimlich, has written a book called Breaking Their Willon religious child abuse. She has also written an article on Michael Pearl. What I found most interesting about this particular article, though, was that Heimlich gives a list of ten beliefs held by "religious, authoritarian cultures." I thought I'd use this article to go … [Read more...]

Authoritarian Parenting and Adult Children

Writing on this blog is like watching synapses in my brain suddenly connect. I love the Ah ha! moments and I've just had another one, thanks to a comment on my last post: I find it hard to love my mother after such a type of chilhood... I think fear doesn't dissipate so easily. I have long wondered why my transition to adulthood has been so difficult. I want to be able to stand by my parents adult to adult, equal to equal - which is, of course, what we now are. But the truth is, I'm scared of … [Read more...]

An Examination of Emotional Manipulation

My husband brings in the mail. "There's a letter for you," he informs me. "Who is it from?" I ask. "It's from your parents," he says, and puts it on the table in front of me. I look at my mother's handwriting, and my heart rate starts to rise. I feel my stomach twist, and I want to do anything but open that letter.My cell phone rings and I look down at it. It's my mother calling. I feel my pulse rising and I mentally ask myself if there's anything she could have heard from a friend or … [Read more...]

Who are you trying to follow?

I was taught by my parents that my goal in life should be to follow God. Except that I now realize that in practice what my parents really meant was that I should follow them.My parents were convinced that they had it all right. They had a direct line to God, and they had gotten the message from him loud and clear. God said not to date. God said not to use words like "dang" or "heck." God said women's place is in the home. God said women must always be under male authority. God said we had … [Read more...]

“We don’t ‘do’ teenagers”

As I approached puberty, my parents told me that "we're not going to do that whole teenager thing." They said that this whole idea of teenage angst and rebellion is a modern social construct, and that the word "teenager" was less than a hundred years old. Children, they asserted, were supposed to move straight from childhood to adulthood, no questions asked, no angst or rebellion permitted, no being teenagers allowed.This is actually fairly common in the world of Christian Patriarchy. … [Read more...]

An Ideological Straight-Jacket

I just realized that in my last post I made the my home and those of other daughters who leave sound like a sort of prison complete with wardens. I will explore that idea here, and argue that the children of Christian Patriarchy essentially grow up in ideological straight-jackets.The parents of Christian Patriarchy have one goal in mind: to raise children who believe and act as they do. The reason, of course, is that they see their beliefs and lifestyle as the only one that is truly … [Read more...]


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