Courtship doesn’t save you heartache. It amplifies it.

I recently came upon a link to an article on a conservative Christian website comparing courtship with dating. Skimming the piece, I noticed one bit in particular that I found troubling, having grown up in a courtship culture myself. Benefits?So what are the benefits of pursuing the possibility of marriage without becoming boyfriend/girlfriend?You will be able to avoid having to:-- Experience the broken oneness and pain of one minute being someone’s partner and the next minute being … [Read more...]


Stay in touch with Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook:

Doug Wilson: Women who reject patriarchy are tacitly accepting “the propriety of rape”

About a month ago, evangelical pastor Doug Wilson posted an article titled Courtship and Rape Culture. Let's pause to remember that Doug Wilson was embroiled in controversy last year when a child predator he had married to a woman in his church (and for whom he had helped secure a light sentence) was found to be guilty of some impropriety regarding his infant son (exactly what happened is unclear, but the judge did find that his wife was derelict in her duty as chaperone). The controversy s … [Read more...]


Stay in touch with Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook:

When Courtship Means Regret

Over and over and over again as a girl, I was taught that marrying through a parent-guided courtship would mean I wouldn't have any regrets. My mom used to talk about her past relationships, before she met my dad, with a great deal of regret. She wished she hadn't done things she did and dated the people she did. She regretted it, she would tell me, and she wanted to save me from having regrets of my own. And the magic relationship secret that would save a couple from having any regrets was … [Read more...]


Stay in touch with Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook:

Not Every Courtship Looks Like the Duggars’

So, courtships. In a post I wrote recently on the Duggars, I mentioned that I "went through a controlling and manipulative courtship process and then lived in fear that my mother would find out I was having sex during my engagement." A reader objected, and this exchange followed:So, I think it's time for a public service announcement: Not all courtships look the same. It seems that the high-profile Duggar courtships have so shaped public perception of what a courtship within this … [Read more...]


Stay in touch with Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook:

What Courtship Was for Me

I grew up in a community where courtship was not only the ideal but also the only option considered godly. Dating was for worldly people who didn't care about things like purity, marriage, or family. And yet, I don't think my parents actually sat down beforehand and hashed out how they were going to handle things. When I was grown and entered the world of romantic relationships, they seemed to be flying by the seat of their pants---in other words, their approach changed over time.My own " … [Read more...]


Stay in touch with Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook:

The Courtship Mask

I recently posted excerpts from an article written by Shoshanna Pearl, which began like this: When I got married, I expected my husband to be that alpha male that my dad was; but he was not. We would be driving down the road and he would say, “Where do you want to eat?” I would smile and say, “Wherever you want to eat,” expecting him to quickly turn in to this or that place without hesitation. Instead, he would smile and say, “I don’t care. I want to take you where you want to go. Where would yo … [Read more...]


Stay in touch with Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook:

My First Crush

Growing up on the conservative Christian homeschooling culture of courtship and purity rings made a lot of things about boy-girl interactions different. Everything was ramped up, accelerated somehow. Our mothers jumped straight from simple attractions on our part to the possibility of marriage. We did too.I still remember my first crush. I was seven. He was nine. I was homeschooled, but he wasn't. My mother and his mother knew each other from church. Finally, I got up the courage to ask him w … [Read more...]


Stay in touch with Love, Joy, Feminism on Facebook: