When Courtship Means Regret


Over and over and over again as a girl, I was taught that marrying through a parent-guided courtship would mean I wouldn't have any regrets. My mom used to talk about her past relationships, before she met my dad, with a great deal of regret. She wished she hadn't done things she did and dated the people she did. She regretted it, she would tell me, and she wanted to save me from having regrets of my own. And the magic relationship secret that would save a couple from having any regrets was … [Read more...]

Not Every Courtship Looks Like the Duggars’


So, courtships. In a post I wrote recently on the Duggars, I mentioned that I "went through a controlling and manipulative courtship process and then lived in fear that my mother would find out I was having sex during my engagement." A reader objected, and this exchange followed:So, I think it's time for a public service announcement: Not all courtships look the same. It seems that the high-profile Duggar courtships have so shaped public perception of what a courtship within this … [Read more...]

What Courtship Was for Me


I grew up in a community where courtship was not only the ideal but also the only option considered godly. Dating was for worldly people who didn't care about things like purity, marriage, or family. And yet, I don't think my parents actually sat down beforehand and hashed out how they were going to handle things. When I was grown and entered the world of romantic relationships, they seemed to be flying by the seat of their pants---in other words, their approach changed over time.My own " … [Read more...]

The Courtship Mask


I recently posted excerpts from an article written by Shoshanna Pearl, which began like this: When I got married, I expected my husband to be that alpha male that my dad was; but he was not. We would be driving down the road and he would say, “Where do you want to eat?” I would smile and say, “Wherever you want to eat,” expecting him to quickly turn in to this or that place without hesitation. Instead, he would smile and say, “I don’t care. I want to take you where you want to go. Where would yo … [Read more...]

My First Crush

holding hands (1)

Growing up on the conservative Christian homeschooling culture of courtship and purity rings made a lot of things about boy-girl interactions different. Everything was ramped up, accelerated somehow. Our mothers jumped straight from simple attractions on our part to the possibility of marriage. We did too.I still remember my first crush. I was seven. He was nine. I was homeschooled, but he wasn't. My mother and his mother knew each other from church. Finally, I got up the courage to ask him w … [Read more...]

More Voices Speak out against Courtship


I've noticed more and more voices speaking out against courtship, and the interesting thing is that it's no longer limited to those who have questioned more of the beliefs and ideologies conservative Christian homeschooling culture. No, it's some of those who stayed in the fold, who did everything right, who have remained the poster children to this day who are now speaking out. And I find that fascinating.Today it's Thomas Umstattd Jr., a proud homeschool graduate active in conservative … [Read more...]

Israel Wayne on the (Patriarchal) Father’s Role


Israel Wayne is supposed to be a voice of reason in the Christian homeschooling community. A homeschool graduate himself, and now a homeschool father, he travels the convention circuit and has written blog posts criticizing various patriarchal homeschool leaders. It's a pity he's unaware that he is himself one of those patriarchal homeschool leaders.Unless you’ve been living under a rock lately, you’ve heard the smash pop hit, “Rude” by the group Magic!. It speaks about a young man, seeking p … [Read more...]