My Father, an Enigma

engineer

"Libby, you could be an engineer. You have the mind for it."My dad made this comment while we were in the car, driving by a factory of some sort. I was probably around sixteen. My dad's comment was completely offhand, and I didn't bother to respond. Inside, though, I was baffled. Why would my dad suggest such a thing? Didn't he realize that my lot in life, the lot God had designed for me, was to be a homemaker, raising children, caring for my husband, and tending the home? Couldn't he see … [Read more...]

How Doug Phillips Wreaked Havoc on My Family

Adolescent Girl with Head in Hands

My parents homeschooled me K-12, and during those years they fell under the influence of several Christian leaders who spread toxic dogma and find their following within the Christian homeschool movement. My parents never followed Gothard, but they did follow both Michael Pearl and Doug Phillips. I've talked a lot about how their devotion to Michael Pearl taught them to think that if they raised me "right" they could ensure that I stayed on the straight and narrow, copying my parents in my … [Read more...]

College Was To Be My Dowry

College-Girl

My dad told me he was going to pay for my college education as a dowry for my future husband. He said it would be wrong to settle my future husband with debt wracked up for my education when I was going to be a stay at home mom and would never work outside of the home anyway. This is what came to mind when I read the recent viral post Six Reasons Not To Send Your Daughter To College.If I was only ever supposed to be a stay at home mom, you may be wondering, why did my parents bother to send … [Read more...]

Under Her Father’s Authority

father daughter

In many ways, my upbringing and background isn't that weird. Yes, I had twice as many siblings as most people have cousins, but in general my upbringing was very normal---for the evangelical subculture, that is. But when I tell people about my background, the thing that always trips them up is the part about unmarried adult daughters being under their fathers' authority, to the point of requiring complete submission and obedience. This is . . . weird, even for the evangelical world. But in the … [Read more...]

A Twisted Father/Daughter Relationship

Father Daughter Dance

There is nothing wrong with arguing that a strong father/daughter relationship is important---if, that is, you're also arguing that strong parent/child relationships in general are important. But there's something weird when you elevate the father/daughter relationship above these others and start arguing that fathers and daughters should find in each other what they would otherwise go looking for in sexual and romantic relationships.Voddie Baucham says that middle aged men should turn to … [Read more...]

Teenage Daughters and Their Fathers

dad teen daughter kiss on head

I recently wrote about a group called "Bright Lights" that focuses on urging girls to abstain not only from sex and dating but also from male friendships---until marriage, of course. One of the conference topics, according to their website, is "Giving Your Heart to Your Father." One of the commenters responded to that as follows: I think the "Your Father" in the title meant God, but I could be wrong since there is the creepy incestuous vibe in the purity movement. I replied and let her know … [Read more...]

Mark Driscoll (Re)Invents Patriarchy

father daughter

You know what is interesting? Essentially every time conservative evangelical leaders wax on about patriarchy, they act like what they're preaching is new and shiny and totally different from that bad woman-hating patriarchy thing we had in the past. As an example of this, I give you Mark Driscoll's January sermon, "Real Men: Men and Marriage," which Ahab of the Republic of Gilead has transcribed for us. In it, Driscoll preaches the same-old age-old patriarchy but appears to think that what he's … [Read more...]


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