College Was To Be My Dowry

College-Girl

My dad told me he was going to pay for my college education as a dowry for my future husband. He said it would be wrong to settle my future husband with debt wracked up for my education when I was going to be a stay at home mom and would never work outside of the home anyway. This is what came to mind when I read the recent viral post Six Reasons Not To Send Your Daughter To College.If I was only ever supposed to be a stay at home mom, you may be wondering, why did my parents bother to send … [Read more...]

Guest Post: A Confession

Tim

A Guest Post by TimOriginally posted on Wine and MarbleTim blogs at Good and LostI have been avoiding this all day. All week. In one way or another, I’ve been avoiding this all my life.Some of you may think you know me, but you don’t, not really. You know a version of me, meticulously maintained, that I’ve spent my life pretending to be. And I am afraid — so very afraid — that if I let that image fall, you won’t like what you see. I’m afraid you’ll laugh at me, that you’ll think I … [Read more...]

The Harlot v. the Godly Woman

How to dress like a ...

I just ran upon this image on facebook. It is from the website Dan's Pulpit, and compares the "Harlot" to the "Godly Woman." Have a look:I was going to get all in depth examining all of the implications and issues involved here, but then I found myself short on time and thought instead I'd hand it over to you all to dissect. So, what do you think? What all is going on with this sort of contrast? If you spent time as an evangelical or fundamentalist, how have you seen this contrast … [Read more...]

My Brothers Too: Purity Culture and Double Standards

alg-dating-jpg

Every time purity culture issues come up---purity rings, purity balls, saving your first kiss for the wedding---someone inevitably makes an argument about double standards. Sometimes these commenters are absolutely right---modesty discussions almost without fail involve a double standard---but other times, well, it's not so simple.In the conservative evangelical homeschool circles I ran in as a teen and young adult, boys didn't get a pass on not having sex before marriage. Guys were expected … [Read more...]

“So What Do You Do?”

mother and kids

Several weeks ago I introduced myself to the mother of one of the children at Sally’s preschool. “So what do you do?” I asked her after we exchanged names. We went on to talk about our respective careers, but this exchange brought my mind back to an exchange I had years ago when my mother tried to explain why retirement was being so hard for my grandfather.“The first question men ask after they meet each other is ‘what do you do?’” she told me. “And once they’ve retired, that’s gone.” For women … [Read more...]

Ticking Time Bombs of Atomic Hormones

shame

I've written a lot about my experiences being raised in what I call "the purity culture"---evangelicalism's obsession with the virginity and sexual ignorance of its young, an obsession that manifests itself in purity rings, purity balls, modesty teachings, and the rejection of dating. Some readers have asked what it's like for males growing up in the purity culture, and I've had to say that while I could guess, I honestly didn't know. Most of those speaking out against the purity culture have … [Read more...]

A Mommy and a Daddy: Evangelicals, Antifeminism, and Marriage Equality

two mommies 2

This may sound odd, but I don't think you can fully understand evangelicals' opposition to marriage equality without also understanding their antifeminism.Evangelicals believe that women are inherently more nurturing while men are inherently more aggressive. They believe that God intended the wife to be the heart of the family and home life and the husband to be the protector, provider, and the family's interface with the public sphere. And of course, evangelicals belief that fathers and … [Read more...]


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