All the Evangelical Marriage Teachings I Had to Unlearn

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years. My upbringing was evangelical, and it did not prepare me for marriage in any way. I had a lot of bad habits to unlearn and I made a lot of mistakes. Indeed, many of my early missteps with regard to marriage stemmed from the evangelical teachings I learned growing up. I'm going to run through some of them here, but this is not a comprehensive list.Growing up in a conservative religious community, I was taught that couples were happiest w … [Read more...]


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Are Friendships a Threat to Your Marriage? Um. No.

A few weeks ago, a reader sent me a marriage advice website titled Beating 50 Percent. It is run by Jeremy and Audrey Roloff, an evangelical Christian couple in their mid-20s who have been married for under three years. I would point out that the myth that 50% of marriages end in divorce is just that---a myth---except that that does not appear to be what Jeremy and Audrey are referring to, as per their mission statement: Our mission in life, and on this blog is to do and be all things that … [Read more...]


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The Many Shades of Coercion

This week OK Magazine called attention to a recent sermon in which Kenny Batson, a pastor friend of the Duggars, discussed marital intimacy. In his sermon, Batson referred to a marriage retreat Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar helped put on: “What they talked about was this matter right here. Intimacy in marriage. And Michelle said something that I’d never thought, I mean I knew of it but I never thought like she put it,” he explained.“She said ‘Ladies, your husband can get his laundry done by ot … [Read more...]


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Massive Resistance Then and Now

The Alabama legislature is considering doing away with marriage licenses. Alabama is considering a law that would abolish marriage licenses in the state.The proposed bill, sponsored by Republican state Sen. Greg Albritton, amends Alabama law to remove any requirement that couples obtain marriage licenses or have marriage ceremonies.Albritton said the law would protect the religious liberty of probate judges and clergy who have moral objections to signing same-sex marriage licenses while … [Read more...]


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Sacrificing Lives on the Altar of Marriage

It's time to talk about conservative evangelical pastor Doug Wilson again. Wilson became rather well known a while back for asking a judge to be lenient with a child molester he believed had repented---a child molester he later married to a woman in his congregation, asking God to bless the couple with children. Wilson writes frequently about what he calls "homosexual marriage," and when he does he spares no words. Rather, he goes out of his way to be petty and crude.In a recent essay about m … [Read more...]


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Jane the Virgin and Purity Culture Norms

If you've been watching the CW's third season of Jane the Virgin this fall, you know that Jane is a virgin no more. I've been meaning to write about the episode in which Jane---I hate the terminology here, "gives up her virginity" implies something was lost but "becomes sexually active" isn't as clear as it should be---but to be perfectly honest, I probably should have written about this show long before this moment.I've been watching the CW's Jane the Virgin since the first season was … [Read more...]


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Statutory Rape in Christian Homeschool Perspective

When I first started blogging five years ago, I was unaware of any cases of sexual abuse in my own evangelical homeschool community of origin. In the last two years, that has changed. I'm not going to give any names or details here. I do, however, want to talk about some overarching themes and ideas I've noticed."In another day and age, they would have just made him marry her.""Why should he go to jail? All he did was start a relationship."These are actual things I have heard said … [Read more...]


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