On Responding to Abuse Allegations

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I write a lot about abuse scandals in conservative Christian circles, such as those involving Doug Phillips and Bill Gothard. But it occurs to me that should be willing to write about similar situations within progressive Christian circles as well. If I ignore problems in groups that agree with me while taking on problems in groups I disagree with, I have a double standard. But there's another reason, too, that I want to write today about the current controversy surrounding Tony Jones, Rachel He … [Read more...]

Do Traditional Gender Roles Lead to Good Sex? No.

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I recently read a blog post from several years ago that had me doing that whole "but . . . wait . . . what . . . NO" thing throughout my reading of it. I thought I'd share, because illustrates something we've seen before---the idea that anything good in a marriage must of necessity be a result of following the gender roles God laid out, not, you know, a result of things like communication or compromise. I've covered posts in the past by women who are functionally living in egalitarian marriages … [Read more...]

The Longsuffering Godly Abused Wife

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One thing we read a lot about in Created To Be His Help Meet was how to win an unsaved of sinning husband. Debi's basic advice was to submit, to be subservient, and to obey with a smile. I recently came upon a blog post from this past summer by a woman who claims she followed this advice, and successfully won over her porn-addicted husband. Let's take a look, shall we?The author begins by describing her childhood and teenage years at length. She writes that she was the target of bullying, a … [Read more...]

“He’ll never by the cow when he can get the milk for free”

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I recently noted this comment between readers on one of my blog posts. trinity91Oh god, did your mom use the old "He'll never buy the cow when he can get the milk for free" idiom on you too? So, let's talk about this, because I did grow up hearing this idiom. When I was a teen, my parents told me that if I were to have sex with a man, he would have no reason to marry me, because he would have already gotten what he wanted. I was also told that once a man had gotten what he wanted---i.e. … [Read more...]

Jill and Jessa Duggar Have “Covenant” Marriages

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As some of you may have noticed, both Jill and Jessa Duggar have "convenient" marriages. Arkansas is one of three states a covenant marriage law. No-fault divorce laws have allowed couples to divorce without having to prove abuse or unfaithfulness, but Arkansas' covenant marriage law rolls that back. Couples with covenant marriages cannot simply get a divorce---and that now includes both Jill and Jessa.How does Arkansas' covenant marriage law work? Like this:Under a Covenant Marriage, a c … [Read more...]

Punishment Has No Place in Marriage*

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I grew up in an evangelical family, raised by parents who believed that husbands are to lead and wives are to submit. But I don't recall hearing anything about husbands punishing their wives for lack of obedience. When disobedient wives came up, husbands were generally advised to simply love and pray for them. So I have to admit to being rather horrified by some blog posts I came upon this week.First I read a blog post by blogger Sunshine Mary, in which she wrote that her husband refused to r … [Read more...]

Sexual Repression, the Duggar Parents, and Mine

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When people on the outside think about fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals and others who teach that sex before marriage is sin, they often seem to have this picture of people who are completely sexually repressed, who feel shame about having sex and can't bring themselves to say the word "sex." Now I'm not denying that such people exist---they certainly do. What I want to point out is simply that this does not describe all fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals who teach that … [Read more...]


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