Sex, women, and “giving”

giving sex

When evangelicals and fundamentalists speak of a woman "giving" in the context of sex, what they mean is that even if a wife would rather be doing something else, she should sublimate her own desires and have sex with her husband in order to meet his need for sex. I've discussed this a bit before.I am terribly uncomfortable with this entire idea because I see sex as something that should be about mutual pleasure and intimacy. I don't see it as something that should be one sided or … [Read more...]

“A truly loving husband won’t take advantage”

loving husband

A twitterer recently tweeted this at me: "In marriage it is her duty but if her husband truly loves her he will never make her have sex just because they are married." If I had a dollar for every time someone said something like this, I'd be rich. It goes like this (and Debi Pearl's books are really chock full of it): God requires women to submit to their husbands, but truly loving husbands won't take unfair advantage of that. Let's dissect this, shall we?Requirement: According to t … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: Chryssie’s Story


A post in the Raised Quiverfull series.Part 1: Introductory Questions Question 1: Please introduce yourself before we get started. Are you married or unmarried? Are you in school, holding down a job, or staying home? Do you have children? What religious beliefs or lack thereof do you ascribe to today? Provide whatever additional information you like.In an effort to be anonymous, I’ll go by Chryssie, and I am 21. I am the oldest of 9; 5 boys and 4 girls. I recently got married as of May, … [Read more...]

Raised Evangelical: Kacy’s Story


A post in the Raised Evangelical series.Section 1: Introduction Question 1: Please introduce yourself before we get started, providing a brief snapshot of your background an overview of your beliefs today.I was raised an Evangelical Baptist in the “Bible Belt.”  In high school and college I went through a questioning and discovery period, eventually becoming Conservative Catholic towards the end of my senior year of college.  As a young adult my questioning continued, and although I stil … [Read more...]

The Purity Culture and “Sex Is Beautiful”

hand holding

Did you know that Michael Pearl wrote a book called "Holy Sex"? Yes, he wrote a book about how awesome sex is. It's not just Mark Driscoll. There are lots of evangelicals and fundamentalists who have hopped on the sex bandwagon. They see themselves as "sex positive" and believe that it is depraved modern culture that is actually "sex negative." And it's true that I was taught to view sex as a beautiful, sacred thing (within marriage) and that I was taught that once married I would find sex so … [Read more...]

CTBHHM: Michael Pearl’s Stamp of Approval


Created to Be His Help Meet, pp. 13Created to Be His Help Meet, a popular evangelical/fundamentalist marriage manual, begins with a one page introduction by author Debi Pearl's husband, Michael Pearl. This is important, because it signals that Michael approved of his wife's writing a book. In evangelical and fundamentalist circles, whether they embrace "complementarianism" or actually use the word "patriarchy," women aren't supposed to write books, etc., without their husband's "blessing." … [Read more...]

Wearing Your Virginity on Your Sleeve


A long time lurker on my blog just sent me a link to a Fox News opinion piece called Waiting Til the Wedding Night: Getting Married the Right Way. Here's how it starts: "As anyone who’s read my abstinence column here at Fox News Opinion could guess, my wedding is something that I’ve looked forward to for quite some time. After having tied the knot at the end of August, I can now say beyond all shadow of a doubt, that it was everything I’d hoped and prayed that it would be since childhood. ... … [Read more...]