Balancing Fear, Love, and Family


Visiting my parents' house is always strange. There are such happy memories around every corner, mixed in some weird way with memories of pain and heartbreak. And then there are my younger siblings, the majority of them still at home, still living the life I knew growing up. Others have grown and left home, but still return for the holidays.(There really should be a book on how relationships between siblings evolve from kid-kid relationships to adult-adult relationships. It's a fascinating … [Read more...]

The Purity Culture and “Lust”


Growing up, "lust" was a big no no. No lusting allowed! Absolutely none! Lust was sinful, shameful, evil. It was the kind of word that was whispered. And what exactly was lust? Joshua Harris, the man who single handedly normalized the term "courtship" in evangelicalism, wrote a book called Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) in which he offered the following definition: Lust is craving sexually what God has forbidden. In other words, conservative evangelicals and fundamentalists generally define … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: Do You Wish You Could Go Back?

walking away

Do you sometimes wish to go “back”? Joe: Coming soon. Latebloomer: The further from the movement I am, the happier I become.  I have never had a desire to return or any feelings of nostalgia about it. Libby Anne: Not recently, no. For a while there though I did sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t simply be easier to step back into good-obedient-daughter-mode. I knew how to wear that hat, and I knew I could put it back on and everything would be right again. Except that it wouldn’t, not internal … [Read more...]

A Broken Father’s Day

Yesterday was Father's Day. I didn't call my dad.Part of me says I should have. He is my dad, and I do love him, after all. I could have called him. But the thing is, if I had called all that would have resulted is a strained conversation with a surface-level exchange. We would both have had to pretend that everything that happened between us several years ago didn't. It would have been fake.Yesterday Sierra posted a song that really speaks to my relationship with my dad. Here are some … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: Relationship with Family Today

family q2

What is your relationship with your parents and siblings like today? What is your relationship with those you grew up with who remained in the movement like? Joe: I have completely closed the door on all communication with my mother.  No calls, no emails, no letters, no visits, nothing.  The mind games she played became too much for my children and, most of all, my wife, that we mutually decided to close the door on that area of our life. My siblings and I were very close growing up.  We st … [Read more...]

Raised Quiverfull: Struggling with Questions

questioning q3

What did you struggle with most when you were in the midst of questioning and/or leaving Christian Patriarchy/Quiverfull ideology? What was the hardest part? Joe: Hell.  I struggled with that for all of five minutes.  Then, it didn't matter anymore.  There was no proof of anything.  So, if a god required me to believe in what was not firmly believable, I couldn't be required to get it right.  The other thing I struggled with was my guilt for having sex before marriage.  Sure, it was with my fut … [Read more...]

Documentaries: The Purity Myth

In putting together my blog's tabs, I've been trying to incorporate documentaries I've found useful or informative or interesting. This one, The Purity Myth, deals with the harm done by the emphasis many in our society - and especially what I call the "purity culture" - continue to place on virginity. Sorry I can only offer you the preview!Feel free to share your thoughts! … [Read more...]