Sally’s Emotions Are Hers, Not Mine

defiant kid

"I'm really angry with you, mom! I don't like you right now! I don't like you!"I don't even remember what I'd done. I think maybe I told her that no, we weren't going to get ice cream while we were out, or maybe I told her we really did have to go inside because I had to make dinner. Whatever it was, my preschool-aged daughter Sally was very upset with me.But you know what? I didn't try to stop it. I can't control Sally's emotions, and I'm not going to try to. I can't force Sally to feel … [Read more...]

Dear Pearls: Crying Is How Babies Communicate

tantrum

I spent an hour this evening at the park with Sally and Bobby. I put Bobby in a swing, and gave him a good push, and you should have seen his face---it was like he'd just realized he had wings! After he'd been in the swing for about fifteen minutes, I took Bobby out to take him to play with something else. He immediately stiffened and started screaming, bucking and thrashing until it was all I could do to hold onto him (he's getting big!). So I put him down and watched him crumple, collapsing on … [Read more...]

When “I’m Sorry” Means “Please Don’t Hit Me”

2011-08-13-human-trafficking-page3-child-crying

Yesterday I finally brought a Christmas mug I was given a couple months ago home from the office. Sally was playing with it in the car, and when I opened the car door it fell out onto the pavement and broke."Oh, I'm sorry, mommy!"Sally was heartfelt and genuine, and that took me aback, because I realized something in that moment. I realized something that hit me in the gut.When I was a child, "I'm sorry" meant "please don't hit me."Reeling from this realization, I queried Sally about … [Read more...]

Why Sally Doesn’t Have a Bedtime

Bedtime

Would you believe that Sally doesn't have a bedtime? Well, she doesn't. She used to. We tried to put her to bed at 8:30 each night, and each night turned into a battle. "If you don't go to bed when it's your bedtime, you will be tired in the morning," we told her. "No I won't!" she insisted. So we would let her stay up, figuring that the next day she'd be tired and learn her lesson, and then she'd finally understand why she needed to go to bed at 8:30 each night. Except that it … [Read more...]

Jimmy Kimmell on the Problem with Punishing Children

James Kimmell Children and Punishment

[Text: What bothers me so much about punishing children is that it is a conscious effort to hurt them . . . . The question that must be asked is why we are, and have been, so willing to hurt our children in order to get them to behave---to treat them as criminals, slaves, and animals. ~ James Kimmell] I love the above image and feel that it really encapsulates a lot of my thoughts. I personally left off punishing my daughter Sally about a year or so ago. And you know what? The sky hasn't … [Read more...]

Critical Thinking and Compromise: Sally Strikes a Deal

Sally

"Sally, it's cold outside and we're about to go out. I would like you to put on some warm clothes.""No mommy, I want to wear this."Sally was wearing her sarong, a Christmas gift. It was light, colorful, and silky, a rectangular piece of cloth wrapped around her body and tied behind her neck. Outside, though, the snow was almost six inches deep and still coming down."I know you love your sarong, but we're going out and it's winter and it's cold and there's snow outside, so you really … [Read more...]

Listening Can Be Hard: On Children and Disconnects

biscuit2

It was breakfast on a Saturday morning, and we needed to get out the door. Sally, however, had broken her biscuit into little pieces and then pushed them off her plate. The table was a mess."I want another biscuit!" she announced."What? You already had a biscuit and you broke it into pieces!" I responded."But I want a new one!""Honey, it tastes the same even when it's broken in pieces. I promise. Just eat it, it's almost time to go.""No! I need a new biscuit!"At this … [Read more...]


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