Time and again, light social conversations are peppered with anecdotes and stories, and for someone like me navigating that can sometimes feel like a minefield. Don’t let on that you have never heard of the pop star they’re discussing, do share a story about playing in cornfields as a barefoot kid—that one’s okay!—and hope you’re invisible when they’re discussing how much they hated high school pep rallies. If I slip up at a party or social event, it can be a problem.
When I read blogs written by Christian feminists, one feeling I get is that the church needs to shut up, to stop talking to women, and to start listening to women. Because to be perfectly honest, the advice the church gives women is terrible, and it’s usually (though not always) given by men, is terrible. In this post we look at advice that women should stop whining and get married already.
There is one part of the purity doctrines that I don’t think has been talked about often enough, and that is that the emphasis on sexual or emotional purity leads women to stay in abusive relationships rather than leave, because if they leave, having given up their sexual and emotional purity, they will be ruined and no other man will have them. This reality was recently elucidated in a rather moving post by Samantha of Defeating the Dragons.
Supporters of patriarchal gender roles and hierarchical marriage relationships often argue that feminists want to pit men and women against each other, but what they don’t realize is that by turning marriage into a relationship based on dominance and submission, they are the ones pitting men and women against each other. In seeking equality, feminism envisions relationships built not on dominance and submission but rather on communication and cooperation.
After I wrote my posts on academics and socialization, I realized that there is another way homeschooling affected my life—and it’s no less significant. In fact, it’s a whole lot more significant. Quite simply, homeschooling affected my life because it changed my parents. When I was born, my parents were fairly ordinary evangelical Christians. That didn’t last. Their involvement in the homeschool movement introduced them to a cocktail of insidious new ideas.
“What bothers me so much about punishing children is that it is a conscious effort to hurt them. . .” ~ James Kimmell
A guest post by Molly. Honestly, Josh, you tried hard to make feminine submission sound appealing. It’s about protecting the woman’s honor, keeping her feelings from getting hurt; it’s not degrading but (allegedly) benevolent. Here’s the thing: My honor, my emotional vulnerability, my happiness, and my self-worth can be preserved and strengthened without letting my boyfriend have the final say in all decisions in our relationship.
A guest post by Molly. We talked before about how Christian purity culture fails to prepare individuals for coping with loss in healthy ways. While your views make substantially more sense knowing you’re coming from an upbringing that’s told you that love is a finite resource and that “dating” is committing emotional adultery, it’s frustrating that I Kissed Dating Goodbye doesn’t really get into how to healthily cope with breakups beyond roughly recommit your heart to Jesus and try to see your singleness as a divine blessing.
A guest post by Molly. I’ve come to believe that purity culture views emotional intimacy as the most dangerous kind of relational intimacy—even more so than sexual intimacy— because our basic ability to feel affinity for another human being is seen as a constant threat to our bodily integrity and emotional well-being. You seem to think so, Josh, quoting Jeremiah 17:9—“the heart is wicked and deceitful; who can know it?”
A guest post by Molly. While God may “reveal the right person under the right circumstances,” I feel like this trust may lead to complacency—not pursuing opportunities for relationships (of any variety) out of the conviction that God will initiate all of your needed social contact with no outreach effort on your part. This, to my mind, isn’t trust. It’s laziness. It’s demoting Jesus from personal savior to personal secretary.
A guest post by Molly. Unfortunately, I Kissed Dating Goodbye seemed more focused on teaching young Christian readers how to avoid or restrict sexual intimacy while waiting for a God-ordained partner rather than teaching them how to build that partnership. It is far easier to say no lusting, no hand-holding, no kissing, no premarital intercourse than to teach individuals how to develop interpersonal relationships that lead to lifelong partnerships.
How does our theology affect how we view people around us and the relationships we form with others? Read on for thoughts from other bloggers on this subject and some words on what I believed as a conservative evangelical and how I see things today.
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