Josh was “Just Curious about Girls” and the Rank Hypocrisy of the Duggar Excuse Machine

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This past Friday, Jill and Jessa repeated their parents' minimization of their brother's actions, complete with their insistence that Josh was "just curious about girls." And what really hit me, hearing that, was the hypocrisy of all of this.First, they're treating what Josh did as something normal for boys his age when molesting prepubescent girls as a teen is not normal sexual behavior for adolescents. But more than that, this is the family that only allows "side hugs" before marriage, and … [Read more...]

How Treating Sexual Thoughts as “Sin” Undermines Relationships

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As an evangelical child and adolescent, I grew up thinking that I would marry a man who would spend his entire life struggling with lustful thoughts---that he would need an accountability partner to help prevent him from cheating on me and that from time to time he would come to me and confess some "sexual sin," whether that be sexual thoughts or pornography use. I anticipated standing by my man as he spent his life battling with sexual desire. And then I grew up and married a guy who doesn't e … [Read more...]

Evangelical Christianity’s Patriarchal Alternative to Fifty Shades of Grey

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This is probably the creepiest video you will watch this week:. . . yeah.Old Fashioned is a Christian movie alternative to Fifty Shades of Grey, released the same day last week. In the above video, the producers of Old Fashioned compare the hero of Old Fashioned, Clay, with Christian Grey, and frankly, it's not flattering---to either of them.In fact, I found this advertisement so bad I ended up transcribing it:It’s a hard thing for a dad to accept any man as being worthy of hi … [Read more...]

Fifty Shades of Disagreement: Evangelicals and Feminists on Fifty Shades of Grey

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I've avoided discussing Fifty Shades of Grey, but I do feel the need to touch on a specific aspect of the controversy that surrounds the book (and now, the film). Namely, I'm fascinated that feminists and evangelical Christians have been the book's most vocal critics. The two would seem unlikely allies! But then, while both groups have tended to condemn Fifty Shades of Grey as toxic, they aren't truly allies in this, because they oppose the books for completely different reasons. Feminists speak … [Read more...]

Do Traditional Gender Roles Lead to Good Sex? No.

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I recently read a blog post from several years ago that had me doing that whole "but . . . wait . . . what . . . NO" thing throughout my reading of it. I thought I'd share, because illustrates something we've seen before---the idea that anything good in a marriage must of necessity be a result of following the gender roles God laid out, not, you know, a result of things like communication or compromise. I've covered posts in the past by women who are functionally living in egalitarian marriages … [Read more...]

Male Sexual Entitlement, Again

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While googling something else, I recently came upon a rather horrifying article titled The Secret to Keeping Him Committed, from a Guy's Point of View on Simon & Schuster's Tips on Life and Love. This isn't a religious website, but it echoes many of the ideas I heard growing up in a conservative evangelical church and community.On a larger scale, the thing that most faithful men complain about is that they can’t get sex when they want it in a committed relationship. When a man is single o … [Read more...]

“He’ll never by the cow when he can get the milk for free”

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I recently noted this comment between readers on one of my blog posts. trinity91Oh god, did your mom use the old "He'll never buy the cow when he can get the milk for free" idiom on you too? So, let's talk about this, because I did grow up hearing this idiom. When I was a teen, my parents told me that if I were to have sex with a man, he would have no reason to marry me, because he would have already gotten what he wanted. I was also told that once a man had gotten what he wanted---i.e. … [Read more...]


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