I’ve written before suggesting that if pro-lifers are consistent, they should be in favor of birth control. And indeed, there are some who are. But there seem to be more who aren’t, and that is only more true when it comes to Catholics. I recently came upon an illustration that explains how Catholic pro-lifers can be anti-birth control, and anti-abortion at the same time.
Remember how I wrote recently about how the belief that one’s virginity is of utmost importance can make women stay in abusive relationships they might otherwise leave? Well, it’s worse than that. Elizabeth Smart, a girl who was kidnapped at age 14 in 2002 and held captive for almost a year before she was rescued, recently explained that these exact ideas about sexual purity can aid and abet human trafficking.
A Guest Post by Abel. But really, what I took to heart from all this talk about how obsessed men were with sex was not just that there was a rapist inside of me. It was that apparently I had a broken rapist inside of me. Because, honestly, I never felt so overwhelmed by semi-exposed skin that I couldn’t control myself. I spent years thinking there was something wrong with me.
This story, written a century ago, encapsulated everything I was taught about emotional attachments and sexual purity, and did so in a way that actually appeared pretty healthy compared to much of what I was surrounded by—after all, Hildegarde’s father was approachable for questions and conversations on this issue and treated her like a person capable of understanding and being trusted rather than like a silly child.
There were three weavers—Herthold, Hubert, and Hildgardmar—who were neighbors and friends. To each was born a daughter—Hertha, Huberta, and Hildegarde. Clotho, the good fairy of the weavers, appeared at the christening of each infant, foretold that she would marry a prince, and left each a magic loom, explaining that each girl must weave a mantle fit for a prince or she will be spurned by the prince come for her hand. And now to offer some analysis!
It’s sort of like the social construction of gender, actually. A girl who grows up hearing that girls are bad at math will likely end up being bad at math. It’s not that girls are actually bad at math—it’s just that she thinks they are, and that matters. It’s a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy. Even so, premarital sex doesn’t actually ruin future relationships—unless one thinks it will. And many conservative evangelicals very much think it will.
The purity culture urges young people to marry not based on lust or romantic feelings, but rather based on a checklist of characteristics needed in a godly spouse. Christian? Check. Correct doctrine? Check. Believes in biblical gender roles? Check. And so on. These ideas are not just abstract. They impact the decision-making of young people raised in the conservative evangelical subculture and create real world pain and damage.
“Smile! Your Mom Chose Life!” I found this slogan very compelling when I opposed abortion. I mean, think about it! If your mom had had an abortion, you would not exist! Would you like to not exist? I didn’t think so! So how can you be in favor of keeping abortion legal without being hypocritical? And then one day I realized something. I wouldn’t exist if my parents hadn’t had sex either. Or if they hadn’t met. Or if they hadn’t been born.
As a teen, I babysat a lot. Not so my brother. Within evangelicalism, the idea that females are more nurturing than males and thus better able to care for young children is augmented by the belief that men are controlled by their sexual urges to the extent that it is not safe for them to be alone around young children. As a result of purity teachings, evangelicals view teenage boys as potential pedophiles, and police them as such.
In this post I will pull together some of the responses to this month’s prompt: “What would you tell teenagers about sex?” Not only were there a large number of blog posts written on the topic, but there was also a great deal of discussion and input in the comments section of the post where the prompt was introduced. I am going to pick one thing from each person’s list and reproduce it here, with a link and attribution. Enjoy!
As a young conservative evangelical, I was taught that men were visual and easily aroused, and that they think about sex constantly. I was taught that men were to pursue and women were to be pursued, and that I must protect my virginity until marriage, because otherwise I would have lost one of the greatest tools I had to bring a guy to the alter. And then I got married.
Danielle of From Two to One has posed a question: What does sexy mean? I have a few thoughts.
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