Do Traditional Gender Roles Lead to Good Sex? No.

b7f3b2820c8872f35b1439ce19d3b285_XL

I recently read a blog post from several years ago that had me doing that whole "but . . . wait . . . what . . . NO" thing throughout my reading of it. I thought I'd share, because illustrates something we've seen before---the idea that anything good in a marriage must of necessity be a result of following the gender roles God laid out, not, you know, a result of things like communication or compromise. I've covered posts in the past by women who are functionally living in egalitarian marriages … [Read more...]

Male Sexual Entitlement, Again

Commitment_400

While googling something else, I recently came upon a rather horrifying article titled The Secret to Keeping Him Committed, from a Guy's Point of View on Simon & Schuster's Tips on Life and Love. This isn't a religious website, but it echoes many of the ideas I heard growing up in a conservative evangelical church and community.On a larger scale, the thing that most faithful men complain about is that they can’t get sex when they want it in a committed relationship. When a man is single o … [Read more...]

“He’ll never by the cow when he can get the milk for free”

Cows_milk

I recently noted this comment between readers on one of my blog posts. trinity91Oh god, did your mom use the old "He'll never buy the cow when he can get the milk for free" idiom on you too? So, let's talk about this, because I did grow up hearing this idiom. When I was a teen, my parents told me that if I were to have sex with a man, he would have no reason to marry me, because he would have already gotten what he wanted. I was also told that once a man had gotten what he wanted---i.e. … [Read more...]

“The reason was ‘sex might happen’”

Dating_Couple

I appreciated this recent comment by reader smrynda:I got a real world look at something like purity culture when a friend of mine decided to try to meet guys online. She went on a date with a self-professed evangelical Christian and then afterwards, he made a big point that he would not go into her residence. The reason was 'sex might happen.' She said she was totally not having sex with him, but his reason was 'I trust you but not met.' So my friend asked him, 'are you admitting you are … [Read more...]

Sex and Respect

Lovers-love-31878829-524-482

A recent post got me thinking about what led me to give up the idea that a man choosing to wait until marriage to have sex with his significant other was a sign of respect for her. There was a time, of course, when I held this view very strongly. I had been raised to view that any young man who would even consider having sex with a young woman before marriage did not respect her, and that any relationship built on that foundation would be troubled.While in college I met a young man---Sean. I … [Read more...]

Sexual Repression, the Duggar Parents, and Mine

Michelle

When people on the outside think about fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals and others who teach that sex before marriage is sin, they often seem to have this picture of people who are completely sexually repressed, who feel shame about having sex and can't bring themselves to say the word "sex." Now I'm not denying that such people exist---they certainly do. What I want to point out is simply that this does not describe all fundamentalists and conservative evangelicals who teach that … [Read more...]

“Normal Childhood Sexual Exploration”?

secrets

When I was around seven, we often got together with a family with a little boy my own age. His parents went to my parents' church, and I think they were in the same Bible study. At some point he began nagging me, wanting me to pull down my underwear and let him see my bare bottom. I didn't want to do that, and I told him as much, but he wouldn't let up. Finally, I gave in. When no one was around, I laid down on the floor face down and pulled my underwear down so he could see my bare bottom. Afte … [Read more...]


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X