Premarital Sex and Marital Problems

marriage-fight-compressed

I've written a lot about my parents decision to have us children court rather than date. From time to time I've seen readers express confusion as to why parents would reject for their children a process that worked for them. The truth is that my parents turned to courtship for my siblings and I because they believed that dating hadn't worked for them.I recently mentioned that I was conceived before my parents married. In other words, when my parents taught my siblings and I abstinence before … [Read more...]

The Limits of Forgiveness

the scarlet letter

Several weeks ago I wrote a post touching on how evangelical teachings on forgiveness make things easy for sex offenders and hard for their victims. Generally, evangelicals believe that those who repent should be forgiven unconditionally, and that those who have been victimized need to forgive those who hurt them and avoid becoming "bitter." You can see how this might play out in the case of sexual abuse. But in the comment section, several readers pointed out the limits of evangelical … [Read more...]

Gothard’s Sex Rules: Marital Consent? What’s That?

Young woman is in the fair about her future

My family never attended one of Bill Gothard's seminars, and we didn't use Gothard's curriculum. We children were, instead, raised on the outskirts of Gothardism. We knew people who were followers of Bill Gothard, and we imbibed a few of his teachings (umbrella of authority, anyone?), but that was the extent of it. As things began to snowball over the past months and Gothard was exposed as a sexual predator and ultimately relieved of his leadership position, I wanted to learn more about what … [Read more...]

On Masturbating without Lust

0808-girl-back

Awkward as it may be, over the past several years I've written a number of posts on the impact of my upbringing, with its emphasis on sexual purity, on my sex life both past and present. This time I want to turn to a subject I don't believe I've explored yet, and that is my adolescent "struggles" and internal conflicts over masturbation.I've written before about the huge physical response physical touch evoked in my body when I first started dating. I've written, too, that early in my sex … [Read more...]

In Which Christianity Today Goes Halfway (with gifs)

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A post about female masturbation recently appeared on Christianity Today's women's section. Christianity Today is generally more mainstream evangelical than my upbringing, so much so that I remember viewing it as somewhat liberal. This post, though, has had me questioning all of that.The basic gist is this---the author accepts that women are sexual and may turn to masturbation as an outlet for their sexual desire---something that is foreign to many evangelicals---but follows that up by … [Read more...]

Why Does Purity Culture Leave out Consent?

sad-young-woman

Samantha Field recently wrote two posts on consent on her blog, Defeating the Dragons. She was seeking to answer a question: Why evangelical purity advocates seem unable to talk about consent except to mock it. I found her insights incredibly insightful. (And this isn't an aberration for Samantha---she's brilliant and has an incredibly moving story and you should all read her blog.)In her first post, Samantha wrote that: They don’t teach consent because teaching consent would undermine one o … [Read more...]

You Don’t Write Your Kids’ Lives (They Do)

benandjessa-e1393558003577

Good gracious, I just came upon a Babble article titled Jessa Duggar Will Have a Chaste Courtship---And My Kids Will, Too. With all due respect, author Kacy Faulconer has no idea whether or not her children will have "chaste courtships." My parents said their children would have chaste courtships too, and guess what? I didn't! Kacy can give her children whatever advice she chooses, but ultimately, once they're adults, she cannot control their choices.I talk a lot here on the blog about the … [Read more...]


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