J School Dropouts Take Heart

As my pal Francois alerts me, Associated Press is obviously willing to hire you:

MIAMI BEACH Fla. (AP) – Five men were arrested Monday in the armed abduction of a teen-age couple celebrating five months together on South Beach that left the girlfriend dead and the boyfriend with stab wounds, authorities said.


Lessee here… Five men abducted a couple and then celebrated for five months on the beach, which caused the girl to die. No, wait. The couple were celebrating for five months on the beach and were then abducted. No! I know! The men and the couple were celebrating together for five months on the beach and when the couple were abducted, these guys were arrested.