American Judicial System Diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder

After a week in which the American Judicial System simultaneously struck down the Pledge of Allegiance for containing the word “God” and then upheld school vouchers allowing parents to use public monies for religious education, authorities from the Institute for Mental Health diagnosed the American Judicial System as suffering from Multiple Personality disorder.

Officials from the Institute were dispatched to the System’s home and found it sobbing and laughing uncontrollably. The house was in great disarray with evidence of a wild party everywhere: pizza boxes full of half-eaten pizzas, stereo blasting, furniture overturned. Individuals interviewed at the System’s home expressed dismay and confusion over her erratic behavior. A Mr. ACLU complained that “One minute, she’s laughing like she’s the life of the party. I thought… you know… I was gonna score with her. She was all over me. Said she loved me and wanted me. Next minute, she like freezes up on me and starts jabbering like she’s James Dobson’s girl. Then, she bursts into hysterics and tells us, ‘Court dismissed’. Creepy!”

Officials from the Institute for Mental Health have taken the American Judicial System in for observation. For the most part, she declined comment, except to say, “Feel free to send your kids to religious schools–but don’t let them say ‘Under God’! AND DON’T STOP CHILD PORN or I’ll, I’ll…. oh, I’m so happy I could just kill myself!!!”