Now here’s a worthy cause I think we can all support

Me, for Holy Roman Emperor. Send your notes of adulation, financial contributions and prayers for a long, blessed and fruitful reign to my email account. Please refer all complaints, communist manifestos, Jeffersonian agitprop, and bills to this address.

It is with towering humility that I accept the Will of the People as the Will of God. I shall rule you all in the manner to which I plan to become accustomed. To build a solid relationship with the European community, I am off to ski the Alps with Chuck and Camilla, after which I shall hit the clubs with Madonna and Chelsea. I will deliver the greetings of you, the little people, to Las Ketchup, Sean Penn, and Harold Pinter at Woody Harrelson’s next literary salon.

It is with great reluctance that I take up the burden that Destiny has laid upon me. You shall be ever in my thoughts as I race around Europe in Jaguars, taste wine in remote villas, hang around discos with Saudi princes, and experience the wastrel rootless cosmopolitan life of luxury and excess that my high and austere call demands–all for your sake, my dear little people.