Utterly Surreal

“An organization of Long Island Catholics Tuesday asked a Vatican court to discipline Bishop William Murphy because he will allow the old Latin Mass rite to be celebrated only at a former seminary in Uniondale that is used as a residence for priests accused of sexually abusing children.”

My favorite part: Joanne Novarro, a diocesan spokeswoman, said “children who accompany their parents to the Latin Mass at St. Pius X are as safe as it is possible to be in our society as long as they remain in the Chapel with their parents for the Mass.”


In other news, the bishop of the diocese where the Chernobyl Nuclear Reactor is located will only be permitting a Latin Mass at the doomed reactor facility. Diocesan spokemen assured tiresome and annoying parents obsessed with their insignificant children’s safety that “the little maggots will be perfectly safe as long as they wear the radiation suits and don’t, you know, act like children and wander too close to danger. If they do, then hey! the world might just be rid of a couple more brats. As if we’d notice.” The spokesman summarized the diocesan policy as “We don’t care. We don’t have to.”