Another amazing find in my email box this AM

The Ballad of Petey the Parrot: An Uplifting Poem for Children

Petey the Parrot served twenty-one months

Of a rap for indecent exposure.

His Bishop paroled him and give him a perch

On his pear-wood episcopal crosier.

He scolded the skeptics who labelled the bird

Unsuited for pastoral placement:

“I’m giving him charge of the CCD staff

And an office in Barney Frank’s basement.”

Chorus:

Hide the eggs, Gwendolyn, hide the eggs Tom!

Hide the eggs Kate and Kareem!

Petey the Sinister Young Adult Minister’s

back on the pastoral team!

With an aawk! and a squawwk! twenty months and you walk,

back on the pastoral team!

Petey was therapized, pampered, prepared,

Pronounced cured by professional weasels

Who shortly thereafter were found to have died

From a sorrowful shortage of T-cells.

The cops nearly nabbed him at Cock-a-Two’s Bar

But Petey was just enough quicker

To fly through the window, and home, where he found

He’d been named archdiocesan vicar.

Chorus:

Hide the eggs, Gwendolyn, hide the eggs Tom!

Hide the eggs Kate and Kareem!

Petey the Sinister Young Adult Minister’s

back on the pastoral team!

With an aawk! and a squawwk! twenty months and you walk,

back on the pastoral team!

When the parents complained that his ministry style

Included non-standard relations,

The kindly old bishop asked Petey to screen

First his phone calls, and then his vocations.

It didn’t take long for the entering class

To grow from near thirty to — zero.

Now Petey’s a bishop himself, don’t you know,

and described as “The NCR’s hero.”

Chorus:

Hide the eggs, Gwendolyn, hide the eggs Tom!

Hide the eggs Kate and Kareem!

Petey the Sinister Young Adult Minister’s

back on the pastoral team!

With an aawk! and a squawwk! twenty months and you walk,

back on the pastoral team!

The amazing thing, of course, is that some people will be more offended by the ditty than by the fact that this stuff happened.


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