Terrorists Capture, Kill, and Perform Hideous Experiments on 400,000 Americans!

Oh, wait. That’s us and we’re the Good Guys.

Well, at any rate, thank God the killing and experimentation on defenseless children is being done by freedom-loving Westerners and not those awful Islamicists who are the whole problem with the world. I’m glad it’s *us* who are monitoring those bishops that allow child abuse on their watch and not some morally deranged foreigner. Because, you know, our culture really *cares* about children.