Okay. I’m sold. Where do I send my credit card number and bank account info?

My Lordship/Friend,

Now *that’s* what I call respect! A title suitable for a Holy Roman Emperor such as myself.

Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I am former Mrs Sikiratu Seki Adams, now Mrs

Comfort Faith Adams, a widow to Late Saheed Baba Adams.

I am 62years old, I am now a new Christian convert, suffering from long time cancer of the breast. From all indications, my condition is really deteriorating and is quite obvious that I may not live more than six months, because the cancer stage has gotten to a very severe stage.

And yet she’s still graced with the strength to spam. I get all misty just reading it!

My late husband was killed during the Gulf war, and during the period of our marriage we had a son who

was also killed in a cold blood during the Gulf war. My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth. My personal physician told me that I may not live for more than six months and I am so scared about this. So, I now decided to divide part of this wealth, by

contributing to the development of evangelism in Africa, America,

Europe and Asian Countries.

And your spambot saw the words “evangelism”, “evangelical” and “witness” on my site? How flattering!

This mission which will no doubt be tasking had made me to recently relocated to Nigeria, Africa where I live presently. I selected your church after visiting the website for this purpose and prayed over it, Iam willing to donate the sum of $6.000,000.00 Million US Dollars to your Church/Ministry for the development of evangelism and also as aids for the less privileged around you.

One of these days, some econ Ph.D. candidate is going to do his dissertation on the mysterious transfer of 9/10s of the world’s wealth to Nigeria and try to answer the question of of how a country that stinkin’ rich is still a Third World backwater.

Please note that, this fund is lying in a Security Company in Holland and the company has branches,

therefore my lawyer will file an immediate application for the transfer of the money in the name

of your ministry. Please, do not reply me if you have the intention of using this fund for personal use other than enhancement of evangelism.

Cuz, of course, this is strictly on the up and up.

Lastly, I want you/your ministry to be praying for me as regards my entire life and my health because I

have come to find out since my spiritual birth lately that wealth acquisition without Jesus Christ in one’s life is vanity upon vanity. If you have to die says the Lord, keep fit and I will give you the crown of life.

She must mean the Lord Richard Simmons. I don’t recall Jesus enjoining us to “keep fit and I will give you the crown of life.

May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you.

I would want you to contact me back if you did receive my email.

I await your urgent reply.

Yours in Christ

Mrs. Comfort Adams.

Christ Live Church,

Bodija, Ibadan, Nigeria.

“To her [Mary] I entrust you,

that the New Woman,

Mother of the Church and of the New Humanity,

may be your inspiration in the discovery

of a new feminine identity in the Gospel perspective.”

- John Paul II, Sept. 4, 1988

Ah! So the spambot also noticed many occurrences of the word “Catholic” on my blog and sent out the letter laced with Evangelical-bait buzzwords, but with a little JPII quote stuck on the end in case I’m extra stupid. Lady, everybody knows that only Evangelicals have “ministries”. Catholics have “apostolates”.

Similarly, only Catholics have “purgatory”. Evangelicals have “being conformed to the image of Christ”.

Evangelicals are “into the Word”. Catholics “break open the Scripture”.

Evangelicals “stumble”. Catholics commit “venial sin”.

Evangelicals “backslide”. Catholics commit “mortal sin.”

Evangelicals “bear fruit”. Catholics perform “meritorious works”

You have to be familiar with these crucial semantic quibbles or you’ll never fool me.