Please sign here and hand your baby over for medical experimentation and dismemberment

I miss the old days when barbarians just ate their young and didn’t swath their cannibalism in fancy scientific jargon.

Oh. Wait. Barbarians were never that barbaric.

Next on Fox: American Jingo: explaining why we are infinitely morally superior to Foaming Bronze Age Fanatics in the Islamosphere and why God is therefore on Our Side.

A reading of the prophets’ messages to Israel and Judah is in order.