know more about the Imminent Threat that is not Iran than the warmongers of the Right and the combox cowards who–more fearful of something that maybe possibly perhaps could happen someday than they are of the Living God–defend their rhetoric in favor of cold-blooded murder of innocent human beings:
What You’ve Heard:
It’s easy to see why people are afraid of Iran. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has threatened to wipe Israel off the map and claimed the United States was behind 9/11. You wouldn’t trust anyone who says things like that to be in charge of a country!
Especially not when they look like Doctor Octopus.
That’s why Ahmadinejad isn’t in charge — Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is. Despite a title that sounds like An overcompensating member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Khamenei has been running the show for years. See, unlike our president, Ahmadinejad doesn’t control Iran’s nuclear strategy, armed forces or even foreign policy.
Motherf*****s act like they forgot about ‘Nei.
Ahmadinejad is more like the Joe Biden of Iran — he says stupid things that embarrass the country, but the guy in power thinks he’s a good enough shit, so he keeps him around. Though even that gives President Spell-Check a little too much credit, because Ahmadinejad isn’t even the second most powerful guy in the country.
Try 14th. In addition to Lord Sexgantic Ayatollah Khamenei, he’s outranked by the 12 members of the Guardian Council, which sounds like something out of the
extended Star Wars universe, but actually functions more like Ahmadinejad’s boss. They can shoot down his ideas via veto and get to decide who runs for president in the first place.
Ahmadinejad can’t even talk without their pictures standing guard.
As the Iranian people know, Ahmadinejad doesn’t even have the power to get women into soccer games (one of his campaign promises in 2007), and he has become increasingly unpopular among the masses with every day in office.
This makes me Ahmadinesad.
The problem is that the West pays such an unreasonable amount of attention to Ahmadinejad that according to political experts, it’s one of the only things keeping him relevant in Iran. Despite a failed economic policy, and the
fact that he’s pissed of the Ayatollah so much that experts don’t expect him to finish his second term, the Iranian people feel like they have to pay attention to him because America is paying attention to him. And America is paying attention to him because his job title sounds impressive to us.
“A president? Those are the things we protest against!”
OK, but even if Ahmadinejad isn’t in charge, the real leaders are religious hard-liners who hate America. So Iran is still a threat, right? Actually, their annual military budget is around nine billion dollars, which puts them behind the powerhouses like Greece and Australia. In terms of per capita spending, Iran is dead last in the gulf region. Nuclear weapons aren’t a concern, either, as U.S.
intelligence agencies believe Iran has halted its program.
Making your enemies seem like unbalanced lunatics is just an old propaganda trick. For instance, remember that comment about wanting to wipe Israel off the map? According to the people who translated the statement in the first place, it was translated worse than a Final Fantasy game, due to “time pressure to produce a translation quickly.” It would be more accurate to say Ahmadinejad wanted to see a regime change, which is a pretty common statement in global politics.
All these men support regime change. Only Perry wants D.C. wiped off the map.
Of course, the media didn’t have to exaggerate his statements denying the Holocaust and claiming that the U.S. was behind 9/11. They just had to ignore the fact that the guy saying it doesn’t matter.
When I was in Ireland a couple of years ago, I met a very fine Senator from the Republic of Ireland named Ronan Mullen. A few years ago, he came to the US and was treated royally while here because our government, being utterly provincial and ignorant of Ireland assumed a “senator” from Ireland was the same as an American senator. Actually, the office is more like a Congressman. He enjoyed it though.
The point is, all the American panic about Ahmadinejad with his finger on the button is pure provincial ignorance too. And using his stupid blather as a justification for praising cold-blooded murder of civilians as “wonderful” is both ignorant and evil.