Dawkins crucifies velociraptor in Bishop of Southwark’s garden


A visibly agitated Dawkins then climbed onto the roof of the bishop’s house and threw fossils at passers-by until a police marksman was able to stun the eminent naturalist with a tranquiliser dart.

An Oxford University spokesman said: “Easter is a particularly trying time for Richard.

“Everywhere you go there are crosses and religion and stuff, and we have to keep a very close eye on him as he’s liable to go completely Cuculus Canorus.

“Last year he filled a pterodactyl egg with fun-size Mars Bars and threw it at Sister Wendy Beckett. And in 2010 he rode a donkey to Canterbury dressed as a trilobite.

  • Noah D

    It’s okay, the raptor’s suffering apparently was redemptive…

    Frankly, I’m terrified by the implication. Clever girl, indeed.

    • Noah D

      Hm, not sure if links work in this comment system…oh, well, just search for ‘jesus with raptor baby’.

  • Peggy R

    Wow. I thought maybe this was an Onion article. I though atheists had reason.

    • godescalc

      The Daily Mash is also a satire site, so you know.

      • Peggy R

        Oh, so this didn’t really happen. Silly me!

        • godescalc

          Don’t feel too bad; many, many people have been fooled by the Onion in times of yore (it’s a good part of the reason why the Onion’s so famous, I think.)

        • Noah D

          No worries – I couldn’t tell their ‘Population Control Advocates Say 2 Billion People Need To Die Right Now’ article from the real population control types…

  • Margaret

    You can’t imagine how much I needed a good laugh right now. Thank you, Mark!

    • Margaret

      “Sorry, I meant thank blind fate, driven by a series of random genetic mutations.”


  • http://witheagerfeet.wordpress.com Ink

    Is it bad that I kind of wish this were a true story? I have two reasons:
    1. It would completely discredit the New Atheist movement and
    2. Dawkins would become a lot cooler in my world. Right now he’s just an angry guy–were this true, he’d be a CRAZY angry guy, who are infinitely funnier and are instant YouTube stars.

  • http://www.pavelspoetry.com Pavel

    I’ve met disbelievers in comment boxes who resemble that satire. They’re phobic.
    People who want to abolish religion had their chance in the ‘socialist block’, and it didn’t work for them.