Readers inform me that, in certain circles elsewhere at St. Blog’s there is now earnest speculation going on as to whether I am “secretly gay”. This is no doubt due to the fact that I think highly of Perry Lorenzo, a man guilty of no sin that I am aware of, who loved his Catholic faith, loved Jesus Christ, and who never, so far as I can tell, deliberately acted or spoke against any of its doctrines or moral teachings (sexual ones included). But he was “guilty” of the crime of having feelings and a disordered orientation that gives them the willies, so if I speak well of him then, well, *you* know what that means.
The great thing about such gossip circles is that, when they get revved up, everything proves the Narrative. Have I been sharply critical of gay bullies like Dan Savage? Well, you see, that is because I want homosexuals to look good to the general public so that we can further Our Agenda. Have I repeatedly affirmed the Church’s teaching on sex (it’s reserved for heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman, in case you didn’t know). Well, that’s because I *have* to say stuff like that to infiltrate the Church. Am I happily married to the woman I love with four kids? Lots of deeply closeted gays like me act that way. But Some Guy with A Keyboard can see through *that* flimsy disguise.
You see, the way you can tell I’m gay is that I once had lunch with Fr. Robert Sirico. No. Seriously. A reader yesterday, whose valuable commentary has sadly disappeared from my comboxes due to my stringent “no babbling paranoid conspiracy theorists” requirement, had it all figured out. My one lunch with a group of people who included Fr. Sirico, back in 2006 and chronicled in that clearing house for loony Jew-hatred known as Culture Wars, means that a sinister gay neocon Zionist alliance has been formed and Fr. Siriico and I are working to destroy the vigilant E. Michael Jones, whose magazine has bravely tried to warn the world of the menace that Jews, Sirico, and me–and especially Jews, by the way, who are the “enemies of the world” (did I mention that?)–are part of the cabal. So on the one hand, you have the courageous people like Jones, Sungenis, Voris and Brammer working against the JewGayNeoconAmChurchZionistGayJewAmNeoChurchCon Conspiracy, and then you have the members of that conspiracy, like me and my secret gay conspirator Fr. Sirico.
Naturally, I have to work under deep cover to achieve our nefarious goals. My dubiousness about the Immaculate Conception of the State of Israel, my rejection of gay agitprop for the legitimacy of gay sex and gay “marriage”, my frank skepticism about the Acton Institute rah rahing for the neocons, the fact that the substance of my conversation with Fr. Sirico that day was about a fine priest of blessed memory and not about our plans to rule the world and turn it into the Tenderloin District and the East Village?
All smokescreens.Fr. Sirico is irredeemably evil. His hostility against the Church back in the 70s is, like that of Saul of Tarsus, proof that a leopard cannot change his spots and that True Catholics[TM] must not weaken and fall for that “repentance and change” crap. The fact is, Jesus died for straight people alone, so it is a categorical impossibility that Fr. Sirico has, in fact, repented his homosexual sins and committed his life to Jesus Christ and the Catholic faith. Far, far more likely it is that one lunch six years ago constituted the establishment of a conspiratorial “alliance” to destroy the Church so complex and horrible that even if I could explain it to you simple-minded trusting dupes, you couldn’t understand it. Muuwahahahahah!
So, a week that began with this post and which included this take down of dumb gay exegesis of Scripture, concludes with members of the St. Blog’s Crackbarrel Inquisition seriously speculating that I’m gay. It’s the human capacity for such mercurial mob stupidity that has always made it easy for me to credit what many moderns find incredible: that a mob could shout “Hosanna” one day and, five days later, shout “Crucify”. Men and women can be wise, but Man is a fool.