It’s a hard time for us satirists

You come up with something you think is ridiculously over the top to illustrate a point… and then somebody says it in earnest.

Happily, I am no longer heading the Jolly Pride movement. Having lost 75 lbs. I have discovered my true identity as a member of the Trans-Fatty Community and am currently undergoing Slender Identity Reassignment. One thing remains constant though: whatever I do, you MUST approve of it or I will smash your right to free speech and thought, throw bricks through your window, and burn your church and house down–for tolerance.

  • James H, London

    “Slender Identity Reassignment”

    I am speechless. Just – EPIC!

    We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

  • Ellen

    In all seriousness, keep up the weight loss Mark. Right now, a friend of mine is undergoing multiple and serious health problems, all brought on by her morbid obesity. Her future looks bleak indeed. Pray for her.

  • Kirt Higdon

    That’s impressive. I expect to see “The Shea Diet” prominently displayed at Barnes and Noble right around the first of next year. That’s when diet books get all the play for people’s New Year’s resolutions.

    • Mark Shea

      “Eat less and move more” will not fill 50,000 words.

      • Kirt Higdon

        “Eat less and move more”. OK, you have the title. Now the first third of the book is your personal account of how you discovered this hitherto unknown weight loss principle. The second third is a collection of recipes for eating less. Just use standard recipes and then indicate what should be removed from them to make them less. The final third is a collection of exercises for moving more. A model or two can be hired inexpensively to illustrate the exercises. Add as an appendix a chart for the reader to track his progress and you’re ready for publication. Diet books practically write themselves. Next thing you know, you’ll be a coach on the Biggest Loser.

  • CJ

    Three cheers!
    But does this mean you can’t play Innocent Smith in “Manalive II: He’s Unhappy, and You’ll Know It”

  • http://www.thehighwayhermit.com James Bulls

    I often wonder what sort of cognitive dissonance people a person must maintain in order to make the sort of claims you’re pointing out in this article. I know a person who is obese. In fact, she’s borderline morbidly obese. She suffers terrible back and leg pain, her quality of life is very poor, and she depends on prescription-strength pain killers to get through most days. She’s the sort of person who talks about what it is to be a “person of size,” and what it means to be “born this way,” as in, to be born as an inherently larger person. She eats enough for two people (even by American portion sizes, which is a lot), and doesn’t see any fault in what she’s doing. I don’t understand how she lives her life this way – I think it must be very difficult. I suspect that if she spent as much time controlling her portion sizes as she did promoting the “large lifestyle” she’d lose quite a lot of weight. Change is difficult, and I wish I could magically make her want to become a healthier person, but that’s something she’ll have to do on her own. But like a previous commenter said – Congratulations on your own choices!

    • Ellen

      My morbidly obese friend was not a “large lifestyle” woman, but she did go on and on about how she did NOT have high blood pressure.
      However, she has stasis ulcers, circulatory problems, diabetes and other serious health issues. She is in very poor health and her prognosis is not good. Pray for her.

  • Fr. Shane Tharp

    Congratulations, my brother. I’m so proud of you. However, now that your success might impinge on my success, thus making the most famous Catholic person with a blog to get their healthy on, you must be stopped. Please expect a box of brownies airmailed to you tomorrow.

  • http://www.postabortionwalk.blogspot.com InfiniteGrace

    Skinny and Enjoying It!