One Cherishes the Faint and Flickering Hope…

…that this was a hoax:

  • James H, London

    As John McEnroe used to say:

    YOU CANNOT BE SERIOIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Andy, Bad Person

    That has internet troll written all over it, but you’re right; I just can’t be sure anymore. It reminds me of this:

    Which, thank God, is parody.

    • Sean P. Dailey

      “46. Casting, II. Why couldn’t Gandalf have been played by Bruce Campbell?”

      LOL! That’s actually a pretty good idea!

      • Andy, Bad Person

        11. Damn you, gravity!

        “The giant firebeast thing is defeated by Gandalf when he destroys the bridge, sending the creature plunging to its death… despite the fact that it has wings.

        This was retracted when a reader pointed out that the wings, like the rest of the beast, were made of shadow and fire and thus would be useless for flight.”

  • Sean P. Dailey

    Come one, people, it’s obviously a hoax. It’s far too clever to be for real. It reminds me of the Onion’s “Harry Potter is turning kids to satanism” spoof from about a dozen years ago, which was brilliant.

  • frenchcookingmama

    That’s just like the idiot kid on Twitter who asked if Kurt Cobain was on Glee.

    Here’s some more gems from this sad example of youth today:

    Right, I forgot about Christmas. But who even celebrates that for Jesus? It’s all about the food and the presents!

    Jesus ain’t real. If he was, cancer wouldn’t exist. Bieber is real and he donates money to cancer funds all the time. Such a hero <3

    Christians really annoy me. The Bible is some science fiction shit about a fag with superpowers. HOW can people even believe it's real?

    I asked who Kurt Cobain was and people said he's from Nirvana. Are people seriously that dumb? It's NEVADA. Did you fail geography..?

    Justin accomplished more in 18 years than John Lennon did in 40. I'm so proud of him <3

    If this is our future, they’d better hurry up with those Mars colonies.

  • Evan

    There are three options: 1) It’s a hoax; 2) The guy is insane; 3) He believes it and is therefore the stupidest person ever to walk the face of the earth. Given the very good use of grammar, I don’t think 3 is a possibility. And I don’t think an insane person could write that clearly. So logically, it has to be a hoax, but that level of ignorance is not funny even as a joke.

    • frenchcookingmama

      It’s a 14 yo girl. I thought it was a hoax too, but she makes YouTube videos. She’s all too real.

      • frenchcookingmama

        Scratch that, she made only one,with her face hidden. She has a FB page. Pretty but dopey 14 yo kid who has a LOT of growing up to do.

        30 years ago, stupid crap like this never got beyond locker row. Now, the whole world gets in your biz , thanks to social media. Biggest brain burp of the 21st century, so far.

      • Ted Seeber

        Should have read this first- yeah, a 14-year-old girl fits perfectly well also.

        • frenchcookingmama

          I was a ridiculous Duran Duran worshipper at that age (I’m showing my age, heh). But I would have been too embarrassed to broadcast the ignorance she seems so proud of. She throws in a few racist, sexist, homophobic and violent statements for good measure, e. g. she wants Chris Brown to beat her up because he’s so hawt.

          Kids today.

          Really, her parents need to take that account down stat and talk to her.

    • Ted Seeber

      You forgot 4)- he’s an aspie with great grammar, good vocabulary, good spelling, but due to lack of human contact and young age, he’s incredibly ignorant.

      Given the Bieber-worship, I’d have to say he’s less than 10 years old.

      • Evan

        As a very probable aspie, (never officially tested but I have every single symptom) I don’t think an aspie who loves fantasy that much would be that incredibly ignorant of basic knowledge about The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, especially general dates of publication. 14-year-old girl is definitely the most likely answer.

        • Ted Seeber

          That’s why I said less than 10 years old as well. A 14 year old normal girl with a boy crush on Bieber also fits.

  • IB Bill

    Well, literary critic Harold Bloom said in The Anxiety of Influence that writers can be influenced other writers they haven’t read. I don’t think it’s a logical stretch to say past writers can be influenced by future writers, assuming our concept of time is an illusion. Rowling wrote Harry Potter, and that story, now kicking around in the timeless collective unconscious, was plucked out by Tolkien, cleverly making it look like he influenced her.

    BTW, Shakespeare steals from me all the time.

    • Evan

      And it is very likely that Plato stole the idea for the ring of Gyges from Tolkien. :)