Ask Yourself: Am I Minion Material?

If so, I may have a place for you in my elite Doomsday Squad.

  • Mark S (not for Shea)

    Out of curiosity, I called 1-800-MWA-HAHA. Karl Rove answered. Weird.

  • Dennis Mahon

    What kind of health plan do they offer? I don’t want to end up getting mutated..

    • Dave

      You won’t live long enough to need health care. It’s mostly the satisfaction that you gave your life for an evil and ultimately futile cause!

    • Mark Shea

      We cover all your mutation procedures. Also funeral costs.

  • Dave

    I thought you posted the ad!

    • Dave

      arggh, never mind….misinterpreted your question…

  • Beadgirl

    You’d think there would be some sort of IQ requirement — I’ve never understood why evil overlords keep hiring stupid minions who muck up their plans for world domination.

    • Jmac

      Good point. Is genre blindness an absolute requirement for this job?

      • Beadgirl

        I don’t know, but if I ever acquire minions, I will make them study “Pete’s Evil Overlord List”:

      • Jmac

        I suppose, by Godel’s theorem, it’s impossible to know the genre if you’re living in the genre.

  • Thinkling

    After first viewing the previous lede of Fozzie Bear walking (waka waka-ing?) into Mordor, the part of this sign which jumped out at me was the last line, “NO weirdos”. I could only hear Sam the Eagle’s voice in my head saying this, except with his emphasis on WEEEIR-dos.

    • Robert King

      Yeah, I’d be all over this opportunity except that I’m such a weirdo. It ain’t easy to find a good job in this economy, I’m telling you!

  • Ted Seeber

    For a very long time, it was a tossup- become an atheist evil genius, or follow the Wisdom of the Church.

    Funny how deciding what to do with your minions is something I never considered before becoming a Grand Knight of a Knights of Columbus Council. And now it eats up 90% of my volunteer hours.

  • Margaret

    Would the ability to monologue overqualify me for the job?

    • KML

      Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh!

  • Niall Mor

    Mark, why are you outsourcing your evil minions? I mean really, can’t you just breed your own endless supply of orcs by some unholy dark arts in the pits of the pits of you Fortress of Doom the way Saruman did in Isengard? I imagine that would really cut down on your overhead.

  • ds

    Applicants must be dumb enough to try to take on the Batman.