I don’t know who this “Nick Bottom” is over at CWR…

…but the man is freakin’ huh-larious:

Dozens injured, thousands confused by riots over “Gospel of Jesus’ Wife”

DEVIL’S ELBOW, Missouri (ASS)— Theocratic, mean-spirited violence has erupted throughout the deep South, the “Bible Belt”, the Midwest, and a smattering of towns in the Rocky Mountains as thousands of Christians  have taken to the streets, wielding swords, Bibles, and plowshares, to  protest the recent revelation that Jesus had at least one wife. Other  protests, less violent but also widespread, took place over reports that some scholars and pulp novelists believe Jesus merely dated, but never  married.

In Devil’s Elbow, Missouri, a group of about two hundred men, women,  and children, all blood relatives of one sort or another, dressed in  their Sunday best and carrying large Bibles, stormed through the  downtown, chanting, “Those who mock the Lord, will surely taste the  sword; Liars say he had a wife, liars deserve to taste the knife.” At  least eighteen were injured from blows and bursts of righteous  indignation, and two men were slain in the Spirit, although they were  apparently not harmed physically.

Read the whole thing.  Magnificent.

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  • Billy Bean

    Mark: How can this be? I thought Christianity was a Religion of Peace.