Here’s a photo (taken by sinister confederate Brandon Vogt) to strike terror into the hearts of all the vigilant(e) folks at Pewsitter, Spirit Daily, Rorate Coeli, Angelqueen and Culture Wars (all of whom have been tracking–and heavily editing–the roller coaster ride of my career of pure evil as I labor to corrupt the Faith from fealty to the GOP and urge Catholics to consider the possibility that they should embrace the whole of Catholic teaching and not just the Republican-sounding parts:
Of course, the simple-minded will see in this a picture taken after a nice meal in which Fr. Barron, Brandon, Fr. Steve Grunow and I bent the elbow a bit and enjoyed each other’s company in a wide-ranging gabfest about a lot of different stuff that interests us.
But those with a more penetrating insight into the depths of human evil will intuitively grasp, without any bourgeois need for evidence, that this was taken just after Fr. Barron and I put our finishing touches on the Master Plan. After all, why would a supposedly “good priest” eat with a sinner like me? I am, as it well known, somebody so radically committed to evil that I do not appoint myself Sex Cop of the lives of good and decent people who live lives of manifest holiness and dedication to the gospel. So you can tell right there that serious rot has set in and Fr. Barron has no sense of discernment in letting himself be photographed with me. Like Cardinal Dolan who likewise ate with sinners recently, he is scandalizing literally dozens of Catholic comboxers who are pretty sure it’s their job to sniff out evil, whether real or imaginary. As to that whole “eating with sinners” thing, where’s *that* cockamamie idea in the Catholic tradition? So yes: when a priest eats with me for an hour and a half, the only rational conclusion is that we are scheming together and everything you thought you knew or could trust about the priest is a smokescreen for Ultimate Evil.
I’d tell you what the Master Plan entails, but I’ve said too much already and would be forced to kill you after giving you a memory wipe to prevent the CIA from reconstructing your brain proteins and downloading your thoughts into one of their super-secret Dollhouse agents. I will add, though, that our Illinois operations have been particularly successful. In addition to replacing Vogt and Frs. Barron and Grunow with Pod People, we have also infiltrated Manchurian editor Scott P. Richert into the Catholic media. I have to thank super-duper secret Illinois agent (pardon the ingenius and uncrackable code name )Yeliad P. Naes for his invaluable help. The trout sings at midnight, Naes. I repeat: The trout sings at midnight.
Have to run. They are coming. I will blog again from a secure location. Gentle Reader: Continue imagining your life is as normal as it was before you saw this blog entry–if that comforts you in your last few remaining days.