In College? Need a Quick Term Paper?

The Postmodern Essay Generator will provide you with endless streams of meaningless verbiage!  You’ll be able to rattle off such pretentious and intimidating babble as:

“Truth is part of the paradigm of sexuality,” says Foucault; however,  according to Hubbard[1] , it is not so much truth that is  part of the paradigm of sexuality, but rather the defining characteristic of  truth. In a sense, Bataille promotes the use of postcultural structuralist  theory to deconstruct the status quo.

and

If one examines Debordist situation, one is faced with a choice: either  accept cultural neodialectic theory or conclude that narrativity is used to  reinforce hierarchy, but only if Debord’s analysis of Debordist situation is  invalid. The primary theme of la Fournier’s[1] model of  cultural neodialectic theory is the common ground between sexual identity and  culture. In a sense, the subject is interpolated into a capitalist socialism  that includes sexuality as a paradox.

and

The main theme of the works of Tarantino is not theory, as Derrida would  have it, but posttheory. It could be said that in Jackie Brown,  Tarantino analyses the dialectic paradigm of discourse; in Four Rooms,  although, he examines the cultural paradigm of expression. The primary theme of  Drucker’s[18] critique of Sontagist camp is the failure,  and some would say the meaninglessness, of capitalist class.

You’ll be able to generate reams of pretentious twaddle at the push of a button and have plenty of time to get to the kegger the Delta House.  And if your prof finds out, you can just tell him you are subverting the dominant post-colonial paradigm of teacher/student power relationships and calling into question the cultural neodialectic structure of narrativity between so-called “original” and “plagiarized” work.   Play your cards right and you can sail through grad school and even get a tenured position with cushy seminars featuring those little drinks with umbrellas.  Let the Postmodern Generator handle your thesis, your dissertation, and all your future keynote addresses to soirees of like-minded academics.  With the Pomo Generator, you will be able to create hundreds of pages of closely reasoned prose arguing that language has no meaning–and still have plenty of time to break for lunch and haggle with the waitress about the bill!

  • http://industrialblog.powerblogs.com IB Bill

    My English academic career ended the day the department chair told me that my writing sample for the Ph.D. program lacked a “sophisticated understanding of critical theory.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I said, “But critical theory is obviously BS. I mean, no one could be that gullible.” He glared at me. That was pretty much the end. Took me 10 years (at least) to get a sense of humor about it.

  • Keith Strohm

    Holy cow! That sounds like every class I took for my MA in English Literature!

  • Ellen

    It’s twaddle like those examples that pushed me out of the humanities. I never will forget the day I read an article on Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park. It was a post colonial critical theory piece as seen through the gaze of Lady Bertram’s dog, Pug.

    Then there was the article dissecting Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s The Yellow Wallpaper through the lens of queer theory.

    So I quit even thinking about getting a higher degree in English, and now I read for pleasure.

  • Pat

    GKC- “It’s the small words that are the hard words…” from Orthodoxy. This is what I’m reminded of here. Once again Gilbert Keith’s wisdom comes to the fore.

  • Irenist

    All of this twaddle stems, I think, from the way our culture thinks SCIENCE! is the only true form of knowledge. People used to read literature in a liberal arts education to learn about the beauty of language and the truth of the human condition. But in order to get tenure in post-WWII academia, humanities must embrace science envy and try to gin up imposing jargon in which it can publish “research.” Thus has real wisdom been replaced by ersatz science.

  • Christopher Lake

    I can only add my voice to the chorus of people here who decided not to pursue higher study in English (and/or literature, beyond my initial degree in it), due to the predominance of postmodern critical theory. I first majored in English at a community college. I still maintain that my literary education was better there than most of what I received, later, at a four-year university.

    Even fifteen years after my graduation with a B.A. in English, the postmodern thinking I was taught (and that I fought against, at the time, as a young Catholic convert), continues to haunt my attempts to enjoy literature. It’s a sad, tragic paradox– the very professors who should have helped me to more deeply understand and appreciate serious literature all but destroyed my passion for it.

  • Cinlef

    This reminds me of this comic http://xkcd.com/451/

  • http://chesterton.org Chris Chan
    • Marion (Mael Muire)

      “‘The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender Modes.’”

      As the Spanish-language commenters on Youtube so aptly put it, “Ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja ja!”

  • http://twitter.com/DanSealana Dan Sealana

    Fr. Richard Rohr’s blogging secret is out.

  • Edgewise

    Well, I suppose this thing could be used for be making encryption key for Encipher.it.
    Hmm–just as an experiment, I used an “essay” to encrypt the text of this post–y’know, just to see what it would look like:
    https://encipher.it/?BpQ

    Uh-oh… Forgot to save the text of that essay… Oh well, no need to decrypt since we know what it is, anyway….

    BTW, might be a little bit of fun to use “Betamaze” for this too:
    http://www.purplehell.com/riddletools/betamaze.htm

    Well, methinks it a useful time-waster…


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